KS&L 391 Christmas Grief by Tina Erwin

       (This KS&L was written before the Newtown sadness.)        

        This KS&L is dedicated to all families who are grieving or remembering someone who is no longer with them this Christmas.

         Last night I received a call from my long time friend Bonnie. She had come upon a terrible traffic accident on her way home. She was first on the scene, called 911, worked with authorities, and rendered what aid she could to the accident victims.

         She told me that she kept telling the on-scene police officers that she felt that there was a man by the side of the road who needed help. She had spoken with him and he said he was okay but that he had been the driver of the absolutely crushed car. She remembered marveling that he had ‘walked away’ from the accident since the car was not recognizable. The police officer kept looking at her, but he never once went over to talk to the man in the white shirt.

         Once she returned to her car, her small children told her that the man in the white shirt had come to the car and knocked on the window, but they didn’t put the window down. Bonnie was glad that her kids did as they were told. Then she drove her kids home.

         She called me later that night because she felt so much trauma after this experience that she needed help figuring out what was trauma and what was, well, something else. As it turned out, that something else was tragic.

         The man in the white shirt had died in that crushed car. When Bonnie and I made contact with him he told us that he really didn’t know what happened.  One minute he was driving home and the next minute he was in darkness. He was utterly baffled by his circumstances. Bonnie and I had to inform him that he had died. He was very quiet for a few moments. Then he began to allow himself to face the towering grief that his sudden death was generating. He immediately told us of his young wife, his children and that this wasn’t how he planned to end his day. He didn’t feel that he was supposed to die that day. This is Christmas! He’d ruined Christmas for his whole family!  As he told us this, the grief he felt at his own death began to overwhelm him. We gave him the spiritual aid that he needed. Souls that are killed this quickly go into a kind of soul shock. We offered him angels, healing and a path home to the Heaven World. Before his transition, he said he had seen the light he just wasn’t ready to go. We also asked him why he knocked on Bonnie’s car window. He responded that he ‘felt’ someone praying for him. In fact one of Bonnie’s daughters was praying for anyone who had been injured. The light of her prayer attracted him to her car.

         Finally, with our help, he reluctantly made his transition to the Heaven World. Then I helped Bonnie make some sense out of this event as she processed the trauma she had witnessed on several levels.

         Both of us pondered this soul’s sudden demise, especially now, especially 15 days before Christmas. Christmas, more than any other time reminds us of how much we love all the people in our lives. Thanksgiving does this, but there is something about Christmas that really makes our heart expand as we ponder what to get those who mean so much to us. Our gifts show how much we love and care.

         Christmas is also very much a children’s holiday. First time parents, long time parents and grandparents live for watching the bright faces of children as they become enamored of the lights on the tree, presents and the Santa Claus concept.

         Christmas time takes each of us back to our childhoods to remember a particularly magical Christmas morning or a special gift or event that happened.

         But for many people Christmas time is just tough. For this man’s family, Christmas will never feel the same. Instead of planning Christmas Eve, they will be planning a funeral.

         Perhaps it seems odd to discuss such profound sadness at this time of the year, but life events, especially poignant life events are part of Christmas, even when they are sad. This man’s wife and children will have to determine how to balance their grief while others around them are excited about the holidays. This almost bizarre juxtaposition of these two diametrically opposite emotions reminds us that Christmas is about love, the love of those who are no longer with us.

         Even if your friend or family member did not die at Christmas, their absence, even decades later, is still deeply felt at this time of year. It is often why so many people are sick at Christmas: colds/flu are the body’s way of grieving a past event.

          It is better to admit that you miss that person. Bring it to the surface and then take some time to remember the soul with your heart filled with love for this special person. If a parent is without one of their children, this is an especially painful heartache. If that parent is your friend or family member please do not wish they he or she could just ‘get over’ that deep personal loss. You don’t ‘get over’ a catastrophic life event: you learn to live a life that includes that life-changing event. And when you include that life-changing event it means that you cry about it sometimes.

         If any of you gentle readers find yourself either grieving the loss of someone special or helping a friend or family member to grieve this loss, welcome the tears that often come with heartfelt memories. Memories are alive and trigger emotion. We are not androids, emotionless bits of carbon. We are mortal, yet eternal souls having an exceptionally human experience. And human experiences demand that we acknowledge the love we have for someone who has left us today or fifty years ago.

         Perhaps that is the message of Christ: love never dies, life is eternal and life everlasting means that we will all meet each other again and again. Let this dynamic concept be the best gift we can give each other at Christmas time, the gift of love and compassion for everyone including the ones who are no longer with us.
       The Lightworker's Guide to Healing Grief and Ghost Stories from the Ghosts' Point of View are both great books to help anyone understand how to heal grief and how to help those souls who need assistance crossing over. Check out the prayer for assisting ghosts in the back of the ghost book. Both books are available on this blog.
 

KS&L 87 Holiday Service Part 1 by Tina Erwin

       The holidays are a great time - so we think.  The truth is, most people who do the lion’s share of getting ready for the holidays are frequently overwhelmed with the volume of work that is required to get it all done.  The regular schedule of day-to-day responsibilities is magnified with the endless list of extras. 

       We are also overwhelmed with the concept of the neediness of so many people. Someone's child is sick, someone's relative is dying or has died, it is the anniversary of a death for another person. The homeless shelter needs volunteers, your church is doing charity work and your office has adopted a family to give to at Christmas. Some people are irritable and angry in November and December and we dread living through this time with them. So with all that comes up in this window of time, we quietly ask ourselves: Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the volume of energy to get ready for Christmas or Hanukkah? 

       The answer is more complicated than we think. The answer may center on our concepts of service. What is service?  

       Service is frequently giving money, time or effort to someone in need. It is the giving of ourselves. This is easy to recognize.

       However, there are other types of service that we would be wise to honor, namely the service of getting any type of celebration together. It isn't just this time of year; it can be any time of the year.

       The neighbor who decorates for Halloween, the mom who never misses making the favorite birthday cake, the welcome home celebration for a service member, the delight of a Valentine's dinner or a 4th of July cookout. The Thanksgiving Dinner with a cast of thousands is a tremendous service as well. Few people appreciate the volume of planning that goes into feeding all those people, plus the decorations that accompany the food, the candles, the greens and the creative effort all create the atmosphere for any celebration. All these things are service - these creative efforts of love made visible are also spiritual service. This takes us to December. Part II will help us make some sense out of this challenging month.

KS&L 334 Holiday Cards by Tina Erwin

         It is hard to believe that the Christmas holidays are here again.  The Jewish Festival of Lights has also begun.  While there are lots of faiths not represented in this title, this is the month of special celebrations for these two faiths.

          There are many concepts of loving and sharing that symbolize this time, maybe the best symbol is just love.  While pondering the concept of love, perhaps we should consider why people send out holiday cards.  Why do some people send a card with a printed address and signature?  Is it just routine, another chore to send cards or to give a gift or gift card?  Perhaps it is not.  To be on a card or holiday gift list is to be thought of with a special feeling.  Maybe we do not send cards to people we see each day which is OK. We send cards to people in our lives that we do not see, because something about the connection is special and we do not want to break it.  Maybe the karma is not yet exhausted and we keep it going with our cards and often e-mails.

          Creating a card for someone, perpetuates a connection, letting him or her them know that they are still in our thoughts.  Why is this important? It is important because there is a part of us that wants to stay connected to so many wonderful people. This is why from a Feng Shui view, saving those cards, saving all of those tremendous wishes is saving, honoring the intentions of all the people who spent the cost, the time, the effort and the intention of sending something to us, of thinking of us. Perhaps we have wondered why we bother with cards each year. Maybe, we need that connection, maybe we need to now what things are happening in other people’s lives, that there is a lot of life going on all over the place.

          Holiday newsletters seem irritating to some people, but again, someone reflected on their year. They shared their lives with us. Some newsletters are just perfect. Some reflect the challenges that this year posed including the death of a family member and the impact of fires or floods or tornados. Most people reflect on the milestones of their year, their travels - how they explored life this year - and how they interacted with family and friends. When we read these letters, we see life happening all around us, from the ordinary and the mundane to the electric moments that challenge us.

         So perhaps as we reflect on all the festivities and organization required of the holiday time, we can come to understand that creating a holiday atmosphere free from strife, comfortable, beautiful with cards, food and gifts is a great service, not a chore. Love comes in many forms and all the effort we put into giving of our time and effort really does matter in the most subtle and humble ways. Often the effort alone is a gift - the gift of love we give each other. Happy Holidays everyone!