KS&L 405 Compassion Fatigue by Tina Erwin

       A bridges collapse, trains collide, planes crash, there is an earthquake, a tidal wave, a hurricane, a bus crash, a person goes crazy and kills many people and the list of calamities continues. Then there are friends and family members who develop cancer, a terrible illness, a debilitating fall, a car accident, someone’s child has leukemia. People are dying in a war somewhere. 22 military people commit suicide a day.

       It is difficult to remember a time in history when there have been so many constant demands on our compassionate hearts. How can we hope to offer constant solace, endless care and the volume of prayers required to send help to all who so desperately need it?

       I know I am not alone in feeling the emotional and spiritual weight of so much tremendous need.

       At some point, it becomes important to recognize that conceivably the best you can do is to send healing to the world every day.

       Many people do something as simple as say The Lord’s Prayer and send the wonderful energy of this prayer to the whole world, to all of nature for the benefit of everyone and everything. Perhaps it is the energy of these and other powerful prayers that keep most of going day to day.

       We do not have to know all the people we are praying for nor do we know whom to thank for the prayers that benefit each of us. Suffice it to say that without prayer we would probably descend into barbarism.

       If you make a practice, a spiritual practice of sending whatever modest prayers you can say and send them to the entire world, and then let go you can do tremendous service.    Perhaps that is the best that any of us can do in a world of often staggering grief. We are often left in disbelief at the sadly carved paths that occur daily into the emotion soul for so many people. Conceivably prayers are the way stations along the way for all of us so that this journey of healing isn’t so difficult.

       This isn’t a very glamorous plan is it, saying a prayer every day? It feels like you’re trying to empty the Pacific with a teaspoon doesn’t it? But what if we all try this? What if we all do this, every single day, 365 days a year?

       Maybe, just maybe, we can change the world.

KS&L 391 Christmas Grief by Tina Erwin

       (This KS&L was written before the Newtown sadness.)        

        This KS&L is dedicated to all families who are grieving or remembering someone who is no longer with them this Christmas.

         Last night I received a call from my long time friend Bonnie. She had come upon a terrible traffic accident on her way home. She was first on the scene, called 911, worked with authorities, and rendered what aid she could to the accident victims.

         She told me that she kept telling the on-scene police officers that she felt that there was a man by the side of the road who needed help. She had spoken with him and he said he was okay but that he had been the driver of the absolutely crushed car. She remembered marveling that he had ‘walked away’ from the accident since the car was not recognizable. The police officer kept looking at her, but he never once went over to talk to the man in the white shirt.

         Once she returned to her car, her small children told her that the man in the white shirt had come to the car and knocked on the window, but they didn’t put the window down. Bonnie was glad that her kids did as they were told. Then she drove her kids home.

         She called me later that night because she felt so much trauma after this experience that she needed help figuring out what was trauma and what was, well, something else. As it turned out, that something else was tragic.

         The man in the white shirt had died in that crushed car. When Bonnie and I made contact with him he told us that he really didn’t know what happened.  One minute he was driving home and the next minute he was in darkness. He was utterly baffled by his circumstances. Bonnie and I had to inform him that he had died. He was very quiet for a few moments. Then he began to allow himself to face the towering grief that his sudden death was generating. He immediately told us of his young wife, his children and that this wasn’t how he planned to end his day. He didn’t feel that he was supposed to die that day. This is Christmas! He’d ruined Christmas for his whole family!  As he told us this, the grief he felt at his own death began to overwhelm him. We gave him the spiritual aid that he needed. Souls that are killed this quickly go into a kind of soul shock. We offered him angels, healing and a path home to the Heaven World. Before his transition, he said he had seen the light he just wasn’t ready to go. We also asked him why he knocked on Bonnie’s car window. He responded that he ‘felt’ someone praying for him. In fact one of Bonnie’s daughters was praying for anyone who had been injured. The light of her prayer attracted him to her car.

         Finally, with our help, he reluctantly made his transition to the Heaven World. Then I helped Bonnie make some sense out of this event as she processed the trauma she had witnessed on several levels.

         Both of us pondered this soul’s sudden demise, especially now, especially 15 days before Christmas. Christmas, more than any other time reminds us of how much we love all the people in our lives. Thanksgiving does this, but there is something about Christmas that really makes our heart expand as we ponder what to get those who mean so much to us. Our gifts show how much we love and care.

         Christmas is also very much a children’s holiday. First time parents, long time parents and grandparents live for watching the bright faces of children as they become enamored of the lights on the tree, presents and the Santa Claus concept.

         Christmas time takes each of us back to our childhoods to remember a particularly magical Christmas morning or a special gift or event that happened.

         But for many people Christmas time is just tough. For this man’s family, Christmas will never feel the same. Instead of planning Christmas Eve, they will be planning a funeral.

         Perhaps it seems odd to discuss such profound sadness at this time of the year, but life events, especially poignant life events are part of Christmas, even when they are sad. This man’s wife and children will have to determine how to balance their grief while others around them are excited about the holidays. This almost bizarre juxtaposition of these two diametrically opposite emotions reminds us that Christmas is about love, the love of those who are no longer with us.

         Even if your friend or family member did not die at Christmas, their absence, even decades later, is still deeply felt at this time of year. It is often why so many people are sick at Christmas: colds/flu are the body’s way of grieving a past event.

          It is better to admit that you miss that person. Bring it to the surface and then take some time to remember the soul with your heart filled with love for this special person. If a parent is without one of their children, this is an especially painful heartache. If that parent is your friend or family member please do not wish they he or she could just ‘get over’ that deep personal loss. You don’t ‘get over’ a catastrophic life event: you learn to live a life that includes that life-changing event. And when you include that life-changing event it means that you cry about it sometimes.

         If any of you gentle readers find yourself either grieving the loss of someone special or helping a friend or family member to grieve this loss, welcome the tears that often come with heartfelt memories. Memories are alive and trigger emotion. We are not androids, emotionless bits of carbon. We are mortal, yet eternal souls having an exceptionally human experience. And human experiences demand that we acknowledge the love we have for someone who has left us today or fifty years ago.

         Perhaps that is the message of Christ: love never dies, life is eternal and life everlasting means that we will all meet each other again and again. Let this dynamic concept be the best gift we can give each other at Christmas time, the gift of love and compassion for everyone including the ones who are no longer with us.
       The Lightworker's Guide to Healing Grief and Ghost Stories from the Ghosts' Point of View are both great books to help anyone understand how to heal grief and how to help those souls who need assistance crossing over. Check out the prayer for assisting ghosts in the back of the ghost book. Both books are available on this blog.
 

Dalai Lama Speach Part 2

Questions for the Dalai Lama:

1. I’m just one person how can I do any good?
1. Seeing immense problems causes hopelessness.
2. EFFORT by humanity causes change.
3. Become a peaceful person then it can multiply.

2. How to forgive unethical violence?
1. We all have the ability to make a distinction between right and wrong.  Don’t keep negative feelings.  Think of how bad that person that created the unethical violence will feel later.
2. THINK out of a sense of concern, not anger.
3. TAKE ACTION if confrontation is necessary. Take it not out of hate but out of concern.
4. Forgiveness does not me ‘forget’ness”

3. What to do about all the bad technology taking over our lives?
1. “Bad” is your opinion, not all technology is bad.
2. It’s your own mistake if you watch TV 10 hours a day.
3. The Dali Lama watches animals and gets lots of information. He likes the Discovery Channel.

4. How do you spend your free time?
1. Read
2. Thinking brings lots of rest.
3. Spend more time with your children

                                              i.     Provide maximum affection. Then there is real hope for the next generation being a compassionate generation and there is real hope for the 21^st century.

                                             ii.     20^th century was violence.

                                           iii.     21^st century could be peace.

                                           iv.     We can change THIS century!

5. What is the most important thing to achieve in life?
1. A peaceful life which brings maximum happiness.

                                              i.     Joke:  “He met a Cuban who prayed to God for God to bring Castro to heaven sooner”

6. What’s the best way to enlighten children?
1. He doesn’t like the work best because ‘best’ sometimes means ‘quickest’ and then ‘cheapest’.
2. Provide maximum affection: disposition, genes and enlightenment is different in all children.
3. Try to introduce a more holistic view of citizens of the world.
4. Nature.

7. Who is your biggest inspiration and why?
1. Buddha

                                              i.     He was a man.

                                             ii.     Many followers used ‘mind’ to shape collective emotions.

                                           iii.     Great thinker.

                                           iv.     Great philosopher.

                                            v.     He didn’t want his followers to accept his beliefs out of faith but out of investigation.

2. Mother Theresa

                                              i.     Gravely dedicated to people.

8. If you loose your way, how do you find the right path?
1. The future is no guarantee…at the same time it is open.
2. Develop self-confidence.
3. Develop optimism.
4. Find a new way – not a narrow one (like a horse with blinders on the side).
5. Narrow minded thinking causes it – look around and you can find a different way.
6. Determination.
7. Holistic view.
8. Know obstacles are bound to happen.

9. How do you let go of past pain and find peace?
1. You should still feel the pain so you have more EFFORT to get over it.
2. You need to feel it to get DETERMINATION to find ways and means to get over it.
3. After pain there are 2 options:

                                              i.     Loose hope, become demoralized.

                                             ii.     More difficulty and experience makes you stronger.

4. WWII generation is strong, current Americans & So. Koreans are soft because of no war and pain.  Sept 11 caused America to get stronger.
5. Difficulties create strength & determination in your being and make you wiser.
6. Tsunami in Japan: He met and told a man ‘you built your country from ashes so you can rebuild [again].
7. After pain there is truth and respect.
8. Short term power of [determination?] is strength. Long term power of compassion is strength.
9. After bombs, if you are honest and truthful you can get determination.

10. I’m struggling with a world more cruel than compassionate.
1. The Dali Lama trained his mind through doing wrong things (making mistakes), competition, and debate.  Competition for example when scientists present info, others question and make the scientist say; I have to think about that.
2. Train your mind through investigation

Joke:  Why did God create mischievous people?

Since God created hell there must be some people who go to hell.

3. Problems:  If they come from nature we can’t change them.  If they come from mind or heart then we can change them.
4. Alone man can’t achieve; If we have group responsibility with moderate resistance we can cause change.
5. We have more knowledge than our ancestors.  This gives us more potential today than ever before.
6. Emory, Stanford, others are creating more attention to compassion.
7. It will not happen overnight, it will be a gradual change.
8. Young people have 90 more years to go and have opportunity to make a new world.
9. The Dali has one eye in this world and one eye in the next life.

Make contribution

Take care of heart & make an honest life

Dalai Lama Speach Part 1

Dear Friends,

Recently a friend of mine, Jeanette Amen attended a talk given San Diego State University.  The most precious guest speaker was the Dalai Lama. The focus of his talk was Compassion. Thanks to Jeanette, I am able to provide a series of concepts from this wonderful talk. Thanks Jeanette!

“There are 7 billion people on the planet,” he said.

“Compassion comes from the mind and emotion of all of us. There are 2 kinds of emotion:

         Fear and anger lead to destructive emotion.

         Love and compassion lead to constructive emotion.

We survive by our mother’s care; the seed of compassion is in all of us. Fear & anger in small children is very bad.”

         Perhaps what His Holiness was trying to convey was that we must all work to cultivate that seed of compassion in our children by our own deeds and words.

“A very important rule: At death or illness the most important factor is being surrounded by family and/or friends, not money, not being physically perfect, not possessions.”

“Compassion is the most important part of life.” 

To be happy think in terms of togetherness: your life is my life; your health is my health.”

“Mental worry causes alcohol, drug, and eating problems. Physical comfort can’t subdue mental pain. But mental effort can subdue physical pain. Mental pain is from worry & loneliness. The mental level of experience is more important and more serious than any other.”

“The new ‘cancer’ is the corruption and injustice around the world today. Ultimately we need self- discipline.”

“Religion makes us very narrow.  We need another approach not based on religion.”  [AMEN!!] Secularism will solve problems universally – not out of disrespect for religion, but in respect for believers and non-believers.”

“As children grow they get socialized and they start to think: if I make this friendship how much will I get. This fosters jealousy and extreme competition. Competition is good, extreme competition is bad.”

“We have 2 egos:

1.   One builds strength, courage, a strong sense of self, and compassion

2.   One builds desire, attachment, self-focus and is destructive

One being can rob the sense of self of another being.”

“Anger:

1.   Anger out of ill feeling is bad.

2.   Anger out of  [injustice?] is fine.”

“If there is maximum affection from our mother when we are a child, then when we are grown up, then throughout our life we will have trust and affection of others. If there is no affection from our mother, then our whole life we will feel unsafe, insecure, suspicious and jealous.”

“A healthy mind causes a healthy body, when we come with open warm-heartedness as our attitude. Jealousy and fear are caused by our human interaction with our mortal brothers & sisters. This is not the same fear as fear of death, which is there to protect us [and cause to think before we act.] When you open your heart you can see the other parts of life and it reduces anxiety. When you are suspicious it leads to distrust.”

“When he wakes up the first thing the Dali Lama decides to think about is Buddha and altruism, then the whole day he thinks of dedicating his mind and spirit to it.”

“We can change by doing this practice daily, monthly, and yearly. This is a centuries old concept:

         THINK

         MAKE EFFORT”

“If you THINK ‘you are a part of me’ you create togetherness.

If you Think ‘you are different’ you will create distance and problems.”

“THINK:  Create inner peace to create family then…

MAKE EFFORT:  to create a better world.”

  See part 2 next week