KS&L 319 The Invisible Teenager Part 2

The interpretation of the dream this teenager had is relatively straightforward. She is feeling overwhelmed with the sadness she sees and feels all around her. The ‘symbolic’ teenager on the floor in her dream is literally invisible to family, friends, and teachers.

The teachers are overwhelmed with the sheer numbers of needy kids coming from classically dysfunctional homes. Many of them may have tried to help earlier in their careers, but they may have very quickly become burned out. For each one they tried to help, there were a thousand more. Some kids resisted them, not trusting that anyone really cared. A few kids tried and for those, a particular teacher here or there may have made a difference, but having a student for only three hours a week or so based on the type of school schedule they would have had, would never have been enough to get through to a troubled teen.

The teachers become battered by the ever-increasing requirements to do better, teach to tests, watch for signs of stress in kids. They have to deal with the classroom disrupters, the kids who are disrespectful toward every school assigned task and then there are the dangerous troublemakers. Teachers are human. They are at a point where they cannot hope to make up for the staggering lack of parenting these kids are experiencing in a couple of hours a week of class work. They are teaching math, English, history or PE, they are not guidance counselors or psychologists.

Often, teachers are struggling with their own difficulties, their own divorces, financial problems, or dysfunctional home lives. There is a limit and they reached it long, long ago. Many are even wondering why they are teaching. In self-defense, they had to detach from the difficulties they were/are seeing in their classrooms or else literally, go mad.

Parents of high school kids frequently find these are the ‘divorce years’, where parents reach that magical number of married years and then decide that they cannot stay married and a divorce ensues. Each parent then turns love in their households off and finds themselves full of anger, frustration and financial woe. Listening and helping their teenagers during this time is low on the list of priorities. Not all families do this but really, a staggering number do this.

Some parents have low self-esteem and if they don’t divorce their spouses, they seem to divorce their kids by constantly telling these young people how incompetent they are, worthless and stupid. Some call young, vulnerable teenage girls fat, ugly and stupid. They call their sons hopeless, good-for-nothing and incompetent. If they only perform verbal abuse on these kids, that is horrible enough, but a surprising number of parents are also physically abusive.

Some parents are emotionally absent. Perhaps they do not say negative things, but at the same time they long ago lost the ability to hear their kids. The standard line for a parent who cannot hear their kids is ‘You’re grounded!” Many parents never, ever have to ground their kids. The reason is that their kids are heard, there is a comfortable dialog and a sense of love and most of all mutual respect between parent and teenager. These are the parents who absolutely believe in the goodness of their teenage children and listen to them. Isn’t that a novel thought? Imagine ceasing the ‘busyness’ in your life and actually listening to your children.

Many emotionally deaf parents wake up to kids who have done inappropriate things, instantly judge [usually wrongly] the situation and apply punishment. At what point are they listening? Usually they never listen, and anger and resentment begin to seethe in their son or daughter and an ever-widening gulf appears. These are the kids dying to leave home, however they can.

So back to the dream, perhaps the most significant part of this young girl’s dream was that she had the dream at all. She is seeing and hearing these kids where no one else can. Her Aunt will be explaining the challenge of the karmic path of these children and why she must refrain from judging it. What this sensitive young girl can do is to provide love and assistance where she can and then learn to detach. Each person in the high school scenario is having an experience, a life opportunity to grow and change. How each one of them reacts will echo out for a long time. Sometimes all you can do is what you can and then detach without feeling guilty. Never allow yourself to emotionally drown with your friends and family.

To many, the answer above will seem inadequate, however, it is also realistic. Learn to help who you can, and then detach from the situation with a loving heart. Often, that is the entire reason for the experience.

KS&L 318 The Invisible Teenager Part 1

Recently, a fifteen-year-old teenager had a disturbing and very haunting dream. She was not quite sure what it meant. Here is the dream:

“I am in my high school history class. There is a teenage boy there and he is lying down. People just seem to step over him. He wants help but he cannot understand why no one seems to be able to see him or even ask what the problem is. They just do not seem to know he is there. He talks to me and I listen to him. I work hard to get help, call 911, but no one hears me.

His heart is so sad. His parents cannot hear him, his teachers think he is a joke, his friends are off somewhere texting someone else. He feels like he is dying inside. He is in pain. He would cry, but he isn’t sure anyone would hear him, much less care. He feels that if he did die, no one would care.”

The teenager who had the dream is very sad when she awakens and she asks her Aunt what it means. Her Aunt asks the following questions:
Does she know anyone like this at school? Does she know anyone whom she believes is putting on a brave face, but inside they seem to emotionally dying a bit more every day?

Does she ever feel she can hear the thoughts of some of the kids in her High School?

What is she seeing as she walks the halls? What is she seeing beyond the heavy backpacks, cell phones and endless text messengers? These are her answers:

“Every day when I go to school, I see all these kids that no one seems to care about. They are arrogant, insecure and often think of themselves as hopeless. There is the guy who always wants to know what I bring for lunch. I know he never eats breakfast and no one seems to care about whether or not he goes to school. He cannot seem to grow because he is so malnourished. If he is lucky, he has a granola bar for lunch. Sometimes my Mom sends me with extra food so that I can have food to share with him. She makes him protein muffins. He loves them. He seems to drool over my fruit salad and chicken salad sandwiches. My Mom helps me to care about him. He is such a good kid, but to his parents he appears to be invisible.

I worry about Sara in my math class. Her parents are divorced and when she has to spend time with her father, he tells her he hates her and that she is a fat pig and worthless. She dare not tell her Mom because then her Mom would be angrier than she already is with her father. Her Mom also ignores her. I hate going to school and hearing how so many parents abuse their kids.

All the kids in my English class think I am some type of brain because I make all As, but all I do is pay attention in class and do the homework. The kids seem to be jealous of me and finally I started sitting them down and telling them how they can make As and bring up their grades. Some of them are actually doing it. I tell them that they are not dumb like their families say they are. I tell them they are just as smart as I am and finally, a few of them are starting to believe me. I am trying to help them. I want to help. My heart goes out to each of them, but I feel overwhelmed with the vast numbers of profoundly unhappy kids.

The teachers are totally apathetic. Why don’t they care about these kids? Why can’t they see the problems these kids have?
What can I do? What does the dream mean?”

In part 2, the dream is interpreted.