KS&L 366 Hanging on to the Past

By Tina Erwin

Did you ever notice how hard we all hang on to the past? We cling to things as if moving into the future was a betrayal of what has gone before. Yet, moving into the future is not a choice. We’re going there, ready or not. The question is: are we entering that new element of time and space with a fear of the future or with a balanced view of the past and a sense of adventure for what lies ahead?

Some people are incapable of throwing anything out. Every container, box, envelope, card, letter, magazine, egg carton, rubber band, shipping box and packing material is dutifully kept. This type of personality believes that you never know when you are going to need one of these items. One woman had 250 cool whip containers under her sink. This same lady would never dispose of a single item listed above. When she died, the mountain left to her relatives to remove was daunting. It all ended up being recycled, but it took time. This woman was so stuck in the past that the future seemed exceptionally scary. Her family believed that as a child of the depression, she held on to anything that might help or protect her from what ominous things would lay ahead.

Technology is another of those things that forces us to learn or be left behind. Even young people cannot keep up with the sheer volume of change inherent in the computing technology of current times. However, those who do make an effort to keep up with basic computer skills will feel that they can embrace the future with a bright face. We have met people who ‘cannot type’ so ‘cannot use any type of computer’. Yet this same person depends on the reliability of computers to keep the accounts of his or her life functioning from shopping to banking. The world only functions today, because of computers. It has become incumbent upon all of us to learn how to live in a computer savvy world.

In fact the computer world forces us to buy new equipment because the previous devices can no longer keep up either with the processing speed required to function or the new features that teach us new skills. Learning forces all of us to acquire new skill sets. Perhaps we wish it were not true. Perhaps we wish that being computer literate were not an option. Perhaps we wish for a time when we didn’t feel forced to purchase ever-faster devices from smart phones to wireless devices.

Perhaps what will make it easier to move into the future is the knowledge that we can cherish old memories. Do you remember when microwaves became commonplace? Do you remember a time before cell phones, a time when if you if you were not at home, you found a ‘pay phone’ and put dimes in a metal box to call someone? Those metal phone booths are now almost totally gone. So are roll-up windows in your car, cars without air conditioning, princess phones and soft drinks made with real sugar. There was even life before Google Earth and GPS, when you actually looked on a map to figure out where you were headed. . . .

Perhaps you also remember when we all had time to spare. Now, there is no time to spare. Every extra second is taken up with something utterly important. Longing for times when we could enjoy a quiet evening with family and friends isn’t holding on to the past, it is almost the impossible dream!

Life is eternally about balancing the challenge of moving into the future while still respecting the realities of the past. Every single generation has been required to face this. Perhaps the people who embrace the future feel a bit younger because the future is a comfortable place, full of new mental challenges and amazing gadgets to embrace. Maybe balance is holding on to the wonderful memories of how life used to be while embracing the amazing things that will happen in our lifetimes.

KS&L 342 Dismantling the Structures of Someone's L ife Part 1

When we are born, we enter mortal life with a new, physical body – and nothing else. When we die, we leave, as we came in, with nothing – not even the physical body that housed us in this life. However, throughout our life, we collect, acquire, purchase, receive and hold on to ‘things.’ We end up with all kinds of things, from houses and cars, clothes and jewelry, furniture and art, to insurance policies and investments.

At birth, we - through the auspices of our parents - immediately begin to surround ourselves with the ‘things’ that are required to offer us the enriching experiences of mortal life. Each toy, book, and stuffed animal enriches our childhood experience. We have to have these ‘things’.

As our life progresses and we evolve as human beings, we hold dear certain objects from childhood: a treasured doll, a velvety rabbit, a superman comic book, well worn toy car or storybook. Many of us hold on to these things, perhaps tucked away, through teen years and even into adulthood. We treasure them because they have meaning for us, usually way beyond their financial value. The meaning each one holds is a key element in our spiritual and emotional growth. We learn some of the lessons of love by realizing that we love objects and people. We also come to understand that we love places as well. We learn what it means to be ‘attached’ to places and things.

Eventually we equate locations with objects. We weave the very fabric of our experiences with the memories of the places we have been and loved by the physical treasures we hold dear. And we can hold them dear for our entire lifetime.

Treasured memories are often epitomized by greeting cards, be they Christmas, birthday, wedding and baby shower cards. Each card recalls an event. As we handle each one, the memory of the moment returns and time becomes relative. There is poignancy to opening an old card and reading the sentiment inside.

Jewelry holds the energy of so many experiences! One woman hated her wedding [hard to believe] and refused to wear her wedding bands. At her passing, her family found them, tucked away, almost like she wished the painful memory, of her own wedding could be tucked away as well. Some pieces of jewelry we wear every single day because each piece carries with it a positive feeling. Some pieces sit in our jewelry boxes and we may pick them up a thousand times, and end up seldom if ever wearing them. That piece of jewelry will have very little energy from its owner. It will be neutral. Other pieces of jewelry are filled with the karma of a lifetime of use.

Our homes are actually our outer body, and reflect the richness or poverty of our lives, no matter how much money we financially have. Color, art, form, texture, define who we are and we surround ourselves with these structures. The art on the walls can indicate past lives. Are we in love with the gorgeous lines of French art and décor? Do we find Native American art brings us that sense of peaceful existence? Is modern art with its sharp clean lines the energy that makes us feel organized and balanced? Art, in all its forms, even insignificant things help to define who we are – and we traditionally like to look around our homes and see the art that represents us.

Our bedrooms hold the literal scent of our bodies in the clothes in the closets and dresser drawers. Opening the closet of a person who has passed away often enables us to feel surrounded by them for one last fleeting time. Nightstands hold the last things he or she used before turning out the light. The books they read, the creams they used, the reading glasses laid in place one last time. The things that made that person feel safe to move into the darkness are there, carefully placed next to his or her lamp.

Our kitchens and garages are the work places of the mundane moments of our lives. Women often have their mother’s china, special serving pieces and silverware. Crystal glasses, pretty cake plates and generous platters are handed down from mother to daughter(s) over the generations. Sometimes those pieces are laden with dust, never used, but kept, as if holding on, perpetuated the memories of the past. Just because a woman does not use a beautiful serving piece or set of dishes, does not mean that she does not love them. Sometimes loving them means not using them for fear of breaking them. Cast iron pots, corn bread molds and cooking tools from wooden spoons to zesters help define the hours anyone spends preparing delicious fare for family and friends – memories every flavorful one. Picking up the object almost returns the aroma of those moments of entering a house filled with the scents of home cooking.

Men love their tools. Garages are filled with the tools that father and sons use to make things, repair everything in the past from barns and silos to horse gear and carriages. Today’s garages are filled with the tools to repair or work with all kinds of things from gardening to cars. Many a happy hour has been spent in the garage where a father and son were bent over the engine of a car, endlessly ‘tinkering’ with a beloved old automobile.

In Part 2, dismantling all of these life structures.