KS&L 285 The Spiritual Philosophy of What Constitutes a Good Mother

     Happy Mother's Day! Being a mom is complicated, challenging and rewarding. Enjoy your day!  

      Everyone comes here for the experience that mortal life offers, and that includes the experience of motherhood. Mothers are mortal; they make mistakes, get tired and rue certain days. Sometimes their judgment is cloudy; sometimes they do what their mothers did, even if it was a lousy thing to do.

         Mothers are often astonished at how profoundly difficult being a parent actually is and why, for some mothers, no matter what they do, their children do not respect them.

         Mothers very often do, not just what their mothers did, but what their lineage of women have done for easily a thousand years. This is true in sexual abuse cases: this is a family secret that just never heals, and that secret is the endless cycle of abuse. These women have no idea how to change the cycle. They know it has to change and they spend lifetimes waiting for someone else to make things better and to rescue them. Sometimes, women like this just really need to look in the mirror and recognize that the face of change they are seeking, is looking back at them. Truly, sometimes you just have to rescue yourself.

Some mothers insist their daughters blindly follow religious tradition, even if that tradition is cruel, abusive and archaic to everyone in general and to women specifically.

         Some mothers are afraid of motherhood, some are afraid of their children. Some are terrified that their children will not love them and become incapable of providing balanced discipline or any discipline at all.

         Some mothers are in competition with their children, be they male or female. They are so immature that they never see how smart their children are and that their children, are running intellectual circles around them.

         Some mothers detest motherhood and they make sure their children know it. They create guilt in their children so that their children spend endless amounts of useless time trying to make them happy:  truly the impossible dream.

         On-the-job training is normally the rule for most women and even most really smart women feel overwhelmed by a first baby. For others, the second child pushes them to the brink of sanity. Other women manage elegantly with ten children. Those ladies learned the true meaning of the word delegate responsibility to the older children!

         Mothers are mortal, get tired, make mistakes and forget that they are on an artificial pedestal that no one can ever really deserve. Every mother has a spiritual philosophy of what a good mother is and often they privately believe that they are inadequate. They suffer with this concept for a very long time.

         Death happens in families all over the world. Even an outstanding mother may falter, fall and feel crushed under the weight of grief at the personal loss of a family member. In some cases, she may not be allowed to grieve, but may be expected to keep the rest of the family going.

         Most women who become mothers either biologically, through marriage, and/or adoption have no idea what they are getting themselves into! Thank goodness! If any of them knew how really challenging motherhood is, many would opt out for another type of life. However, they don’t know. They can’t see the future and that is just as well.

         Would that it could be said, that all mothers love, but even that is not true. Most mothers learn to love not just their children, but the lives created by having children. Once you have a child, you become a different person because circumstances demand it. You don’t have a choice. If you stay the same then something is terribly wrong.

         If a woman hates motherhood, or never makes the transition into this new identity, then part of her will be miserable for the rest of her life and she will share her misery with most people she meets. She will make her family life nightmarish.

         Often a woman will note that she ‘did the best she could in her situation’. The truth is that when she says that, part of her is thinking deep inside that there may have been better ways for her to have handled many life situations. Other women who feel confident about their mothering experience will believe in themselves and note that they have done an excellent job and they are proud of themselves.

         Ultimately, every woman has a spiritual philosophy about what a good mother is but not every woman believes she can ever come close to living up to that level of excellence. How each woman meets the challenge of being a mother, of living up to that spiritual philosophy will ultimately define her spiritual path for this life time and all her life times to come.

Happy Mother's Day!

by Tina Erwin
Excerpt from The Lightworker's Guide to Everyday Karma [2011]

The Spiritual Philosophy of What Constitutes a Perfect Mother

         "No matter where you come from, somehow you are born with a spiritual philosophy of what constitutes a perfect mother. When your mortal mother does not live up to that spiritual philosophy, you begin to stack up her failings. Sometimes you identify a difficult father, but about 99% of the time, you instantly recount the failings of your mother. Why is this?

         When you are in the heaven world, you look down on the parents you pick. If you can, you try to communicate with your mother. You also have a unique vantage point in the heaven world of seeing all the kinds of mothers out there and getting a good handle on what a fantastic mother should be. When you are born, you are sure you know what a perfect mother should be, and you are exceptionally sure of how to identify a bad mother. However, the reality is that we pick the mother we pick for the lessons she is going to teach us, no matter what kind of a mother she turns out to be.

         The spiritual philosophy of what constitutes a perfect mother transcends all religions, all cultures and all times. A perfect mother, it turns out, is a perfect mother in all types of adversity. . . . .

          A perfect mother balances everything with grace, no matter what has happened to her in her life, whether it is a death, job loss or hardship. She lives her wisdom. However, the reality is that few mothers make it to the category of perfect mothers. Hint: sometimes life happens to them!

There is No Learning in Perfection

         Everyone comes here for the experience that mortal life offers, including the experience of motherhood. Mothers are mortal; they make mistakes, get tired and rue certain days. Sometimes their judgment is cloudy; sometimes they do what their mothers did, even if it was a lousy thing to do.

         Mothers are often astonished at how profoundly difficult being a parent actually is and why, for some mothers, no matter what they do, their children do not respect them.

         Mothers very often do not only what their mothers did, but also what their lineages of women have done for easily a thousand years. Literally, they perpetuate their generational patterns of parenting. This is true in sexual abuse cases: this is a family secret that just never heals, and that secret is the endless cycle of abuse. These women have no idea how to change the cycle. They know it has to change and they spend lifetimes waiting for someone else to make things better and to rescue them. Sometimes, women like this just really need to look in the mirror and recognize that the face of change they are seeking is looking back at them. Truly, sometimes you just have to rescue yourself. . . .

           Ultimately, every woman has a spiritual philosophy about what a perfect mother is but not every woman believes she can ever come close to living up to that level of excellence or deserves to be on that artificial pedestal of motherhood expectation. How each woman meets the challenge of being a mother, of living up to that spiritual philosophy, will ultimately define her spiritual path for this lifetime and all her lifetimes to come. Her children will also define the motherhood spiritual philosophy by what they found in her. The cycle continues. Ultimately, it is the extraordinarily courageous woman who chooses to follow the path of maternal enlightenment and learn how to be the best mother she can possibly be.

      ************************************************************************                     

          So on this Mother's Day, perhaps mom's need to remember to be kind to themselves. Perhaps all children, but especially adult children need to recount the amazing things each has learned from their mothers. Then the value in the relationship can take on a deeper, more powerful, positive meaning. 

KS&L Chapter 323: Mothering

On Mother’s Day, there are lots of cards about Moms. You use that vehicle to let your Mom know how much you love her. On many levels, it is a day of remembrance. So what does it mean to be a mother? Just what is this concept of mothering?

Mothering is as universally unique as it is uniform. To mother, is to care. To ‘mother hen’ someone is to look after them, to make sure they are safe, fed and most of all loved. If you are the giver of this care, what does it feel like and why do so many people do it?

Some think mothering is hormonal because from the moment your child is placed in your arms, you rise to the occasion of your finest mothering. When you hear your child cry, you can feel that child’s neediness tugging at your body. Even in the moments when the sheer volume of care required for a newborn, tidal waves you, you still rise to the occasion of doing your best for this tiny human being.

The emotion that probably most astounds you is the love you feel for this child. When this semi-stranger comes home from the hospital, you have to get to know each other. Even though you may feel you know your child because you have carried him or her for nine months, once he or she has arrived, you still have to learn about each other.

The love you have for your child makes you want to be a better human being. The conscientious new Mom wants to do all the wonderful things her Mom did or wished her Mom had done. As this new Mom fights her fatigue, she discovers the meaning of sacrifice as she learns what it means to put her child before herself.

And this is when it happens: you fall in love with your child. It is not a romantic love, it is a classic love, a pure golden feeling of magnificent emotion that feels like it is going to burst forth from your very being, like a rose opening broadly, on a bright summer day. The energy of this love is so powerful, that it is often what carries you through the endless days of sleepless nights and the amazing years you spend with your child.

You find yourself eternally praying for the health and safety of this charming new person. The deep attachment a mother has for a child goes to the core of life itself. You know without question that you would sacrifice your life for your child. These are seldom feelings any mother will share with someone else: she just has them; they live within her. Love lights her way.

As the years pass, that love, never wanes. However, a critical attribute that can evolve from that love is the wisdom to inherently know what you can do and what you cannot do. You have to love a child so much that you have the strength of character to say no to this child when the situation demands it. You also gain the wisdom to understand the truth that sometimes, children have to experience life and cannot be shielded from the lessons that life is going to offer. That knowledge is what separates the wise mother from the controlling, dominating mother, and it is the treasure of that wisdom that makes that wise mother beloved no matter how old time says that she is.

The wise mother values every challenging experience her children have offered her, and at some point she forgives herself for the things she wishes she could have done differently.

Not all women mother in the way described above. Not all women are great Moms. However, for those of us who do feel this way, perhaps Mothers day is a day that we can say to our children, thank you for allowing me a front row seat as you take center stage of your own life. Thank you for being patient with me while I learned what you needed and how to guide you. Thank you for allowing me to be your Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day!

This KS&L is dedicated to my children, James, Jeanne Marie and Andrew.

KS&L 285: The Spiritual Philosophy of What Constitutes a Good Mother Part 2 Reality

We all come here for the experience that mortal life offers us and that includes the experience of motherhood. Mothers are mortal, they make mistakes, get tired and rue certain days. Sometimes their judgment is cloudy; sometimes they do what their mothers did, even if it was a lousy thing to do.

Mothers are often astonished at how profoundly difficult being a parent actually is and why, for some mothers, no matter what they do, their children do not respect them.

Mothers very often do, not just what their mothers did, but what their lineage of women have done for easily a thousand years. This is true in sexual abuse cases: this is a family secret that just never heals, and that secret is the endless cycle of abuse. These women have no idea how to change the cycle. They know it has to change and they spend lifetimes waiting for someone else to make things better. Sometimes, women like this just really need to look in the mirror and recognize that the face of change they are seeking, is looking back at them.

Some mothers insist their daughters blindly follow religious tradition, even if that tradition is cruel, abusive and archaic to everyone in general and to women specifically.

Some mothers are afraid of motherhood, some are afraid of their children. Some are terrified that their children will not love them and become incapable of providing balanced discipline or any discipline at all.

Some mothers are in competition with their children, be they male or female. They are so immature that they never see how smart their children are and that their children are running intellectual circles around them.

Some mothers detest motherhood and they make sure their children know it. They create guilt in their children so that their children spend endless amounts of useless time trying to make them happy: truly the impossible dream.

On-the-job training is normally the rule for most women and even most really smart women feel overwhelmed by a first baby. For others, the second child pushes them to the brink of sanity. Other women manage elegantly with ten children. Those ladies learned the true meaning of the word delegate responsibility to the older children!

Mothers are mortal, get tired, make mistakes and forget that they are on an artificial pedestal that no one can ever really deserve. Every mother has a spiritual philosophy of what a good mother is and often they privately believe that they are inadequate. They suffer with this concept for a very long time.

Death happens in families all over the world. Even an outstanding mother may falter, fall and feel crushed under the weight of grief at the personal loss of a family member. In some cases, she may not be allowed to grieve, but may be expected to keep the rest of the family going.

Most women who become mothers either biologically or through marriage or adoption have no idea what they are getting themselves into! Thank goodness! If any of them knew how really challenging motherhood is, many would opt out for another type of life. However, they don’t know. They can’t see the future and that is just as well.

Would that it could be said that all mothers love, but even that is not true. Most mothers learn to love not just their children, but the lives created by having children. Once you have a child, you become a different person because circumstances demand it. You don’t have a choice. If you stay the same then something is terribly wrong.

If a woman hates motherhood, or never makes the transition into this new identity, then part of her will be miserable for the rest of her life and she will share her misery with most people she meets. She will make her family life nightmarish.

Often a woman will note that she ‘did the best she could in her situation’. The truth is that when she says that, part of her is thinking deep inside that there may have been better ways for her to have done things. Other women who feel confident about their mothering experience will believe in themselves and note that they have done an excellent job and they are proud of themselves.

Ultimately, every woman has a spiritual philosophy about what a good mother is but not every woman believes she can ever come close to living up to that level of excellence. How each woman meets the challenge of being a mother, of living up to that spiritual philosophy will ultimately define her spiritual path for this life time and all the life times to come.

KS&L 284: The Spiritual Philosophy of What Constitutes a Good Mother Part 1

No matter where you come from, somehow you are born with a spiritual philosophy on what constitutes a good mother. And, when your mortal mother does not live up to that spiritual philosophy, you begin to stack up her failings. Sometimes you
identify a difficult dad, but about 99% of the time, you instantly recount the failings of your mom. Why is this?

When you are in the heaven world, you look down on the parents you pick. If you can, you try to communicate with your mom. You also have a unique vantage point in the heaven world of seeing all the kinds of moms out there and getting a good handle on what a fantastic mom should be. When you are born, you are sure you know what a good mom should be, and you are exceptionally sure of how to identify a bad mom.

The spiritual philosophy of what constitutes a good mother transcends all religions, all cultures and all times. A good mother, it turns out is a good mother in all types of adversity. While there are nuances, these are the most universally accepted traits of a good mother.

A good mother is the provider of unconditional love. She may not love what you do, but she will always love you, no matter what!

A good mother is courageous. She will stand up for you, will defend you from injustice and she will sacrifice herself for you because her love is so tremendous.

A good mother is a leader. This woman will use the love and the courage that she has in abundance, to always show you the way to be the finest person you can possibly be. She leads you by her example and her example is always virtuous, wise, patient, and dynamic. You won’t want to mess with this Mom!

A good mother is respected, she is so respected, you behave out of respect for her.

A good mother is always wise. She always knows the right thing to do in any situation and she knows her children better than they know themselves. She can balance her marriage, her life and her children and all the dramas that come up each day.

A good mother is powerful. She makes things happen; you may not know how she does it, but she can do anything from inspire you to learn your multiplication tables, to making a Dorothy or Tin Man costume on 24 hours notice. She also knows how to work the school system so that somehow even bad teacher situations work out.

A good mother understands the need for boundaries and discipline and administers this requirement with the utmost fairness. She doesn’t let you get away with a thing and when she says something, she means it. She follows through with discipline and she keeps her word.

A good mother is a healer of everything from broken hearts and shredded feelings, to banged up heads and scraped knees. She can feel what you need and knows just what to say or do to make the situation feel better.

A good mother can cook, not just a little, but really create fantastic meals and desserts and best of all, birthday cakes! She understands nutrition and always provides just the right combination of healthy meals, snacks and treats.

A good mother takes care of herself by always looking like you can be proud of her, dresses well, does hair and makeup and is healthy. She doesn’t drink or smoke and she is slim and trim.

A good mother is psychic. She can just feel when you need her. She can feel that something is wrong. She hears your thoughts and she just knows.

A good mother is accomplished, polished. She can help with homework, manage all the administrative work of running a household, do all the shopping, find bargains, decorate perfectly, have style and poise, and endless energy. She may also have a career outside the home.

A good mother never ‘leaves’ you. She is always available to you, rain or shine, no matter how tired she may be, she is there.

A good mother is an example of compassion, caring and strength of character. She keeps her word. She means what she says.

A good mother admits her mistakes and apologizes when she is wrong. This is not an oxymoron. Even good mothers make mistakes.

A good mother does not allow teasing between and among siblings. She fosters love among all the members of the nuclear and extended family. She reminds her children that they will not be children forever and that they will need each other as adults and that the love they establish between themselves today will last a lifetime.

A good mother does not have favorites, loving her children equally.

A good mother is also a different mother to each of her children based on their individual personalities.

A good mother demonstrates how to be a good wife and what a good marriage looks like.

A good mother keeps everything in balance, for without balance, families do not work.

A good mother uses good judgment all the time.

A good mother has future site, understanding that what happens today will dramatically affect tomorrow and all the tomorrows to come.

A good mother is a wonderful teacher, helping you learn self-esteem, confidence and how to learn from your mistakes without feeling stupid or guilty.

A good mother respects your space, your choices and your friends. She welcomes your friends.

In part two, the face of real mothers and why so few mothers make it to the perfect category of really good mothers. Hint: sometimes life happens to them!