By Simon Vetter [Guest Writer for Light Times]
It was a gloomy Saturday morning in January when I first met Elaine, a classy lady in her early-50s with a sharp mind and a way with people. The owner and founder of a high-end jewelry design company, Elaine started her business over 20 years ago, and her reputation in the industry speaks for itself. She was savvy and capable, but Elaine had reached her limit.
She looked at me with frustration and despair, threw up her hands and sighed, “I am just not having any fun anymore.” She confessed that she felt desperate, unmotivated, and irritated with her own team. “To tell you the truth, I’d sell my business right now for one dollar.”
It was a surprising thing to hear her say. In so many ways, she was living the dream – she had a successful business doing what she loves… except, as it turned out, these days she wasn’t doing what she loves very much at all.
When I asked how she spends her workweek, she said, “In addition to designing, I manage the business, direct my team, negotiate with suppliers, and I travel over 100 days per year to sell my jewelry to retailers across the country.”
This talented artist, an exceptionally creative and innovative woman, had followed her passion and built a great business. But her road to success was taking her further and further from her passion: designing jewelry.
With an understanding smile, I said, “No wonder you are exhausted. You do four different jobs: designing, selling, running the business and managing your employees. What about delegating more to your team?”
“I would if I could, but I can’t rely on them! They don’t do the things I ask them to do, and I constantly have to check on them. I feel like I have to do everything.” It was clear she had an uncommitted, underperforming team.
“Elaine, you’re headed in the right direction with your business, but you’re dragging a lot of dead weight on your team. You already know they are slowing you down, exhausting you even... isn’t it time to let them go?”
Watching her face closely, I saw a wave of discomfort come over her. Elaine was holding tightly to something that didn’t work for her, a sure sign of an internal conflict. Her head knew she had a lousy team, but something inside was afraid to see them go.
Over the next few weeks, we uncovered some similarities between her ways of relating to the team and her childhood job of caring for her younger siblings. She had a strong belief that “I have to take care of others.”
But her team didn’t want to be “taken care of” or “bossed around.” These managerial tactics made them feel resistant, uninspired, even petulant. After all, if you treat people like children long enough, sooner or later they’ll act accordingly.
The harder she pushed, the more they resisted. No wonder they weren’t having fun anymore. Everyone in her company was intensely focused on what they didn’t like! And everyone felt powerless to change it.
In a situation like this, there’s only one thing to do: get crystal clear on what you can change, and what you cannot. More often than not, the things you can change all begin with you – not other people.
Elaine realized that she could change the way she related to her team, so she decided to increase her efforts to inspire them. Second, she committed to pacing herself so she could bring more patience and composure to the table. Both decisions led to an immediate change in the tone of the team.
But it was her third decision that made the most dramatic impact. Elaine recommitted her workweek to the things she does best: designing “drop dead gorgeous” jewelry and working with clients. Everything else, she delegated to her new office manager.
It didn’t take long to see enormous changes in her company. Within four months, every one of the underperforming team members left to pursue other jobs. As the new team developed, so did a new culture of performance and accountability. Sales reached an all-time high, and Elaine was overjoyed to feel her creative spirit come back to life.
“I had no idea how easily I could change the world around me – just by changing the way I treated everyone else. Now it makes so much sense! How can I expect others to act differently… unless I do? I was so busy complaining and worrying about what I ‘should’ be doing that I didn’t have any energy to start creating what I really wanted!”
Her close friend Maria just laughs at this story. At 68 years young, she enjoys every day to the fullest – but it wasn’t always that way. “When I was 5 years old, I lost a parent. Growing up, I had to take care of my brother and sister, keep the house running, do all the things that ‘should’ be done. Somewhere along the way, I forgot to take care of myself and go after the things I wanted to do. That sure makes for a dull life.
“One day, after 60 years of drudgery, I woke up and asked myself, ‘What am I doing?’ I looked around and realized I was spending my life on other people’s agendas, other people’s concerns, social pressures, and my family’s expectations. But what about the things that are important to me? They were falling by the wayside.
“It’s my life and I want to enjoy it – so I decided to! It was the best decision I ever made. Now, I’m done with should. Now, I do what I want.”
How old will you be when you step into your role of Leader of Your Life, and really make the most of what you have? The sooner to take the reins, the better your journey will be.
To speed your process along, beware of the word “should.” When you hear it, stop yourself long enough to ask, should I really? Why?
If you get confused, ask yourself, “Should I do that, or do I want to do that?” This immediately puts the reins back in your hands, and you at choice. If the “should-ing” persists, simply smile and say, “Thank you for that suggestion.” That gives you the time and space to decide for yourself if you want to follow that suggestion – or not.
If the “shoulds” in your life are coming from your own mind, take some time to examine them, one by one.
Who does that should belong to?
Whose voice is speaking?
What beliefs are backing up this “should”?
Keep investigating until you feel free to decide.
After all, in the end, the only person responsible for your happiness… is you.
About the Author
Simon Vetter works with managers who want to create positive changes and professionals who want to create a STAND OUT brand. He is a business coach, speaker and author, specializing in leadership effectiveness, behavioral change and personal brand management.
Over the course of his career, he has coached, trained and advised managers and teams from Agilent Technologies, CalPERS, Callaway Golf, Daimler, Johnson & Johnson, Microsoft, REMAX, Siemens, Toyota, US Steel, UBS and others. His clients engage him because they want more clarity, focus and personal balance. He assists them in improving behaviors, effectively influencing others, developing high-performing teams, and delivering results.
His latest book is STAND OUT! Branding Strategies for Business Professionals. He offers practical solutions on advancing one’s career, finding personal fulfillment at work, and establishing a credible, attractive personal brand.
With 20 years of experience in marketing, sales, and leadership development, Simon combines an MBA-equivalent degree in Business and Marketing from University of Berne. He is a member of Alexcel Group, a worldwide alliance of executive coaches, serves on the board of directors of the San Diego World Trade Center and is a member with Toastmasters. Simon grew up in Switzerland and has lived in San Diego, California for 12 years. He speaks fluently English and German.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
KS&L 312 Why God Doesn't Always Give Us What We Ask For Part 1
The Karmic Savings and Loan Chapter 31?: Why God Doesn’t Always Give Us What We Ask For Part 1
How many times have you had situations where you wished desperately for something and it didn’t happen?
How many times have you been angry with God for not allowing you to have that promotion, marry that special person or have that child you so desperately wanted? Imagine your anger at God if you lose a loved one!
How many times have you pondered why you seemed ‘stuck’ where you were? Often as you faced mounting frustration in what you were doing, or trying to do, you found yourself, shall we say, irritated at God. Perhaps you wondered: ‘why isn’t God helping me? Why won’t God let this happen?’ Perhaps you have prayed long and hard for what you thought you wanted to happen, and you were angry that God did not answer your prayers.
Maybe receiving something, such as a job, a questionable opportunity, or a person in your life, baffled you, because it was something that you thought you really didn’t want, and nothing related to what you truly did want. Why does it work this way?
God just doesn’t always give you what you think you want when you think you want it because it is not part of the Divine Plan. This concept is an element of faith and faith, true faith, requires courage to understand, to accept and to learn to work within its often baffling, confines.
As you embark on your spiritual path, you are often told to ‘ask for what you are ready to receive.’ Yet you find that you receive something else, or you receive something or someone in your life, which isn’t overtly helpful as the following examples illustrate.
A young woman wanted to become an Air Force Officer. She filled out all the paperwork, jumped through every hoop and nothing happened. She applied for other civilian jobs and less happened. Literally, no one would hire her. One day she decided to apply to become a Naval Officer. Once again she jumped through every hoop and to her utter amazement, she got in, went directly to the next Officer Candidate class, was not delayed in anyway and had a long and successful career and a very happy marriage to another Naval Officer. If any of the other jobs had panned out, she would not have had the experiences she was meant to have.
Once upon a time, an Executive received the news that a new employee was coming to work for her, transferred from another division in the company. The Executive had been hoping for someone she could groom, someone she could work with easily and who could fill her tiny shoes when she left. What she got was a person with a staggeringly brilliant intellect, and an utterly impossible personality. Everyone in the last division disliked him intensely. Everything this man did made her life a thousand times more difficult. Her subordinates begged her not to even go on vacation because this would leave this man in charge and life would surely be hell. What could she do? What she ended up doing was teaching this man how to work with other people, how to use his wonderful mind in a different way and how to learn to be of service to others and become precious to people. This man was a huge opportunity and she chose to see him that way. This man is now one of her most cherished friends. They were both lessons and gifts for each other. That is how God really works, that is why we do not always receive what we think we want.
Each choice we make will determine what opportunity we receive next. Ironically, as random as life sometimes seems, this is among life’s most definite laws. Each opportunity can make us feel weaker or stronger.
How many times have you had situations where you wished desperately for something and it didn’t happen?
How many times have you been angry with God for not allowing you to have that promotion, marry that special person or have that child you so desperately wanted? Imagine your anger at God if you lose a loved one!
How many times have you pondered why you seemed ‘stuck’ where you were? Often as you faced mounting frustration in what you were doing, or trying to do, you found yourself, shall we say, irritated at God. Perhaps you wondered: ‘why isn’t God helping me? Why won’t God let this happen?’ Perhaps you have prayed long and hard for what you thought you wanted to happen, and you were angry that God did not answer your prayers.
Maybe receiving something, such as a job, a questionable opportunity, or a person in your life, baffled you, because it was something that you thought you really didn’t want, and nothing related to what you truly did want. Why does it work this way?
God just doesn’t always give you what you think you want when you think you want it because it is not part of the Divine Plan. This concept is an element of faith and faith, true faith, requires courage to understand, to accept and to learn to work within its often baffling, confines.
As you embark on your spiritual path, you are often told to ‘ask for what you are ready to receive.’ Yet you find that you receive something else, or you receive something or someone in your life, which isn’t overtly helpful as the following examples illustrate.
A young woman wanted to become an Air Force Officer. She filled out all the paperwork, jumped through every hoop and nothing happened. She applied for other civilian jobs and less happened. Literally, no one would hire her. One day she decided to apply to become a Naval Officer. Once again she jumped through every hoop and to her utter amazement, she got in, went directly to the next Officer Candidate class, was not delayed in anyway and had a long and successful career and a very happy marriage to another Naval Officer. If any of the other jobs had panned out, she would not have had the experiences she was meant to have.
Once upon a time, an Executive received the news that a new employee was coming to work for her, transferred from another division in the company. The Executive had been hoping for someone she could groom, someone she could work with easily and who could fill her tiny shoes when she left. What she got was a person with a staggeringly brilliant intellect, and an utterly impossible personality. Everyone in the last division disliked him intensely. Everything this man did made her life a thousand times more difficult. Her subordinates begged her not to even go on vacation because this would leave this man in charge and life would surely be hell. What could she do? What she ended up doing was teaching this man how to work with other people, how to use his wonderful mind in a different way and how to learn to be of service to others and become precious to people. This man was a huge opportunity and she chose to see him that way. This man is now one of her most cherished friends. They were both lessons and gifts for each other. That is how God really works, that is why we do not always receive what we think we want.
Each choice we make will determine what opportunity we receive next. Ironically, as random as life sometimes seems, this is among life’s most definite laws. Each opportunity can make us feel weaker or stronger.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Retired Naval Officer Presents Tools for Understanding and Dealing with Grief, and Explores the Journey of the Soul at Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E.
Virginia Beach, Va. – Tina Erwin, CDR USN, Ret., a lifelong student of metaphysics who served 20 years in the U.S. Navy, turned a family tragedy into the inspiration for The Lightworker’s Guide to Healing Grief, a comprehensive guidebook with insight into understanding grieving and tools to navigate the grieving process. She offers hope about the afterlife and the meaning of reincarnation as part of the Afterlife for All Life: Reconnecting with Beloved Family, Friends, and Pets conference, March 5-7, 2010 at Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E.
Joining her on the program are medium Rev. B. Anne Gehman, who will explore spirit communication and mediumship and will demonstrate live random readings with messages for audience members; Lynn Sparrow Christy, who will explore the soul’s journey and its immortal nature; Susan Chernak McElroy, an expert on how animals help people on their spiritual journey; and Marta Williams, who specializes in communicating with the spirits of animals.
Rev. B. Anne Gehman, is the founder and pastor of the Center for Spiritual Enlightenment and was the youngest person to be certified by the National Spiritualist Association of Churches. She is recognized worldwide as a psychometrist, clairvoyant, and clairaudient; is a certified medium and a commissioned healer, and is listed among the top 100 psychics in the country. Her work with the University of Arizona on a research study of after-death communication is documented in After Life Experiment by Dr. Gary Schwartz. Her biography is The Priest and the Medium.
Susan Chernak McElroy has spent a lifetime working with animals as a veterinarian assistant, humane society educator, dog trainer, and wildlife rehabilitator. Her pioneering work, Animals as Teachers and Healers, a New York Times best-seller, remains a classic on the human-animal spiritual relationship.
Lynn Sparrow Christy is an author, minister, life coach, and hypnotherapist, and a longtime student and teacher of the Edgar Cayce material. A popular and experienced speaker, her life’s mission is to help today’s spiritual seekers find authentic pathways to growth.
Marta Williams is the author of Learning Their Language: Intuitive Communication with Animals and Nature and other books and articles based on over 20 years’ experience communicating with animals. She has degrees in biology and resource conservation and now lectures, teaches, and offers clinics on animal and nature communication worldwide.
Open to all, Afterlife for All Life: Reconnecting with Beloved Family, Friends, and Pets is scheduled for March 5-7, at Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E., 215 67th Street, Virginia Beach, VA 23451. Admission is $228, with special pricing for a single day or for single presentations. For more information or to register, contact the A.R.E. conference registrars at 757-428-3588, ext. 7401, or go to EdgarCayce.org/conferences.
Edgar Cayce founded the non-profit Association for Research and Enlightenment (A.R.E.) in 1931, to explore spirituality, holistic health, intuition, dream interpretation, psychic development, reincarnation, and ancient mysteries – all subjects that frequently came up in the more than 14,000 documented psychic readings given by Cayce, who died in 1945. The mission of A.R.E. is simply to help people around the world change their lives for the better through the ideas and information found in the readings.
The Virginia Beach headquarters is a popular site for locals and tourists with free daily lectures, a Health Center and Spa, the Cayce/Reilly® School of Massotherapy, an extensive metaphysical library, a meditation garden, a stone labyrinth, and a bookstore and gift shop. Visitors from around the world come to our conferences to hear expert speakers on subjects like ancient mysteries, holistic health, and spiritual development. A.R.E. also maintains an affiliation with Atlantic University. Through its many programs, services, publications, and membership outreach, Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E. provides individuals from all walks of life and a variety of religious backgrounds with tools for personal transformation and healing at all levels – body, mind, and spirit. For more information about Edgar Cayce's A.R.E., please visit EdgarCayce.org.
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Joining her on the program are medium Rev. B. Anne Gehman, who will explore spirit communication and mediumship and will demonstrate live random readings with messages for audience members; Lynn Sparrow Christy, who will explore the soul’s journey and its immortal nature; Susan Chernak McElroy, an expert on how animals help people on their spiritual journey; and Marta Williams, who specializes in communicating with the spirits of animals.
Rev. B. Anne Gehman, is the founder and pastor of the Center for Spiritual Enlightenment and was the youngest person to be certified by the National Spiritualist Association of Churches. She is recognized worldwide as a psychometrist, clairvoyant, and clairaudient; is a certified medium and a commissioned healer, and is listed among the top 100 psychics in the country. Her work with the University of Arizona on a research study of after-death communication is documented in After Life Experiment by Dr. Gary Schwartz. Her biography is The Priest and the Medium.
Susan Chernak McElroy has spent a lifetime working with animals as a veterinarian assistant, humane society educator, dog trainer, and wildlife rehabilitator. Her pioneering work, Animals as Teachers and Healers, a New York Times best-seller, remains a classic on the human-animal spiritual relationship.
Lynn Sparrow Christy is an author, minister, life coach, and hypnotherapist, and a longtime student and teacher of the Edgar Cayce material. A popular and experienced speaker, her life’s mission is to help today’s spiritual seekers find authentic pathways to growth.
Marta Williams is the author of Learning Their Language: Intuitive Communication with Animals and Nature and other books and articles based on over 20 years’ experience communicating with animals. She has degrees in biology and resource conservation and now lectures, teaches, and offers clinics on animal and nature communication worldwide.
Open to all, Afterlife for All Life: Reconnecting with Beloved Family, Friends, and Pets is scheduled for March 5-7, at Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E., 215 67th Street, Virginia Beach, VA 23451. Admission is $228, with special pricing for a single day or for single presentations. For more information or to register, contact the A.R.E. conference registrars at 757-428-3588, ext. 7401, or go to EdgarCayce.org/conferences.
Edgar Cayce founded the non-profit Association for Research and Enlightenment (A.R.E.) in 1931, to explore spirituality, holistic health, intuition, dream interpretation, psychic development, reincarnation, and ancient mysteries – all subjects that frequently came up in the more than 14,000 documented psychic readings given by Cayce, who died in 1945. The mission of A.R.E. is simply to help people around the world change their lives for the better through the ideas and information found in the readings.
The Virginia Beach headquarters is a popular site for locals and tourists with free daily lectures, a Health Center and Spa, the Cayce/Reilly® School of Massotherapy, an extensive metaphysical library, a meditation garden, a stone labyrinth, and a bookstore and gift shop. Visitors from around the world come to our conferences to hear expert speakers on subjects like ancient mysteries, holistic health, and spiritual development. A.R.E. also maintains an affiliation with Atlantic University. Through its many programs, services, publications, and membership outreach, Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E. provides individuals from all walks of life and a variety of religious backgrounds with tools for personal transformation and healing at all levels – body, mind, and spirit. For more information about Edgar Cayce's A.R.E., please visit EdgarCayce.org.
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