Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Wedding Gown That Made History


by Helen Zegerman Schwimmer

Lilly Friedman doesn't remember the last name of the woman who designed and sewed the wedding gown she wore when she walked down the aisle over 60 years ago. But the grandmother of seven does recall that when she first told her fiancé Ludwig that she had always dreamed of being married in a white gown he realized he had his work cut out for him.

For the tall, lanky 21-year-old who had survived hunger, disease and torture this was a different kind of challenge. How was he ever going to find such a dress in the Bergen Belsen Displaced Person's camp where they felt grateful for the clothes on their backs?

Fate would intervene in the guise of a former German pilot who walked into the food distribution center where Ludwig worked, eager to make a trade for his worthless parachute. In exchange for two pounds of coffee beans and a couple of packs of cigarettes Lilly would have her wedding gown.

For two weeks Miriam the seamstress worked under the curious eyes of her fellow DPs, carefully fashioning the six parachute panels into a simple, long sleeved gown with a rolled collar and a fitted waist that tied in the back with a bow. When the dress was completed she sewed the leftover material into a matching shirt for the groom.

A white wedding gown may have seemed like a frivolous request in the surreal environment of the camps, but for Lilly the dress symbolized the innocent, normal life she and her family had once led before the world descended into madness. Lilly and her siblings were raised in a Torah observant home in the small town of Zarica, Czechoslovakia where her father was a melamed, respected and well liked by the young yeshiva students he taught in nearby Irsheva.

He and his two sons were marked for extermination immediately upon arriving at Auschwitz . For Lilly and her sisters it was only their first stop on their long journey of persecution, which included Plashof, Neustadt, Gross Rosen and finally Bergen Belsen .

Lilly Friedman and her parachute dress on display in the Bergen Belsen Museum


Four hundred people marched 15 miles in the snow to the town of Celle on January 27, 1946 to attend Lilly and Ludwig's wedding. The town synagogue, damaged and desecrated, had been lovingly renovated by the DPs with the meager materials available to them. When a Sefer Torah arrived from England they converted an old kitchen cabinet into a makeshift Aron Kodesh.

"My sisters and I lost everything - our parents, our two brothers, our homes. The most important thing was to build a new home." Six months later, Lilly's sister Ilona wore the dress when she married Max Traeger. After that came Cousin Rosie. How many brides wore Lilly's dress? "I stopped counting after 17." With the camps experiencing the highest marriage rate in the world, Lilly's gown was in great demand.

In 1948 when President Harry Truman finally permitted the 100,000 Jews who had been languishing in DP camps since the end of the war to emigrate, the gown accompanied Lilly across the ocean to America . Unable to part with her dress, it lay at the bottom of her bedroom closet for the next 50 years, "not even good enough for a garage sale. I was happy when it found such a good home."

Home was the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington , D.C. When Lily's niece, a volunteer, told museum officials about her aunt's dress, they immediately recognized its historical significance and displayed the gown in a specially designed showcase, guaranteed to preserve it for 500 years

But Lilly Friedman's dress had one more journey to make. Bergen Belsen , the museum, opened its doors on October 28, 2007. The German government invited Lilly and her sisters to be their guests for the grand opening. They initially declined, but finally traveled to Hanover the following year with their children, their grandchildren and extended families to view the extraordinary exhibit created for the wedding dress made from a parachute.

Lilly's family, who were all familiar with the stories about the wedding in Celle , were eager to visit the synagogue. They found the building had been completely renovated and modernized. But when they pulled aside the handsome curtain they were astounded to find that the Aron Kodesh, made from a kitchen cabinet, had remained untouched as a testament to the profound faith of the survivors. As Lilly stood on the bimah once again she beckoned to her granddaughter, Jackie, to stand beside her where she was once a kallah. "It was an emotional trip. We cried a lot."

Two weeks later, the woman who had once stood trembling before the selective eyes of the infamous Dr. Josef Mengele returned home and witnessed the marriage of her granddaughter.

The three Lax sisters - Lilly, Ilona and Eva, who together survived Auschwitz, a forced labor camp, a death march and Bergen Belsen - have remained close and today live within walking distance of each other in Brooklyn. As mere teenagers, they managed to outwit and outlive a monstrous killing machine, then went on to marry, have children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and were ultimately honored by the country that had earmarked them for extinction.

As young brides, they had stood underneath the chuppah and recited the blessings that their ancestors had been saying for thousands of years. In doing so, they chose to honor the legacy of those who had perished by choosing life.


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In Memoriam

In MEMORIAM - 63 YEARS LATER

Radio Appearance

Dear Friends,
I will be on talk tainment radio Monday night, September 14th from 5-7pm PST time and 8-10pm EST. Try and listen in! talktainmentradio.com/

There is also a call in line listed at that website.

Love, Tina


Sunday, September 6, 2009

KS&L 299 If You Can’t Have the One You Love . . .

We have all heard the phrase: If you can’t have the one you love, love the one you’re with! Many people think that has to do with not having the love of your life, your partner or soul mate by your side. Perhaps they believe it means to find someone to take that person’s place until the person they truly love returns, or re-enters their life.

But what if there is a slightly different take on it? What if it means to embrace an entirely new book of learning and loving? Every sojourn on the Earth plane is an opportunity to learn all the astounding facets of love. Why else would we be here? Maybe a better question would be to ponder why can’t we learn all of these lessons in the heaven world, why do we have to learn these lessons on Earth?

We have to learn these lessons on Earth because life on Earth gives us the linear time and the physical space to have a complete and focused experience. Love, just takes linear time to experience in all of its facets. Few people just ‘love’ instantly. We have to learn how to love, what love feels like and how to give and receive love.

So lets go back to our catch phrase. Lets look at some scenarios we expect and the more subtle ones we don’t expect:

• The love of your life, is the love of someone else’s life and simply cannot see you, and isn’t meant to be with you. You now have to figure out how to love who you are with, and where you can, love the experience of being with that person for whatever the reason/lesson.

• The person you are with is abusive and you have to learn how to love yourself enough to release yourself from the unpleasant lesson of learning what love isn’t. Perhaps the lesson here is to realize that you are not loving yourself when you are with this abusive person and that leaving him or her will enable you to now see yourself as a loving and lovable person.

• The one you love travels and/or is deployed all the time. If you have the good fortune to be able to have a loving relationship with this person, then you have to embrace the lesson that this type of here and gone relationship offers. You have to learn that you and you alone are responsible for your happiness and that happiness can be found in the wonderful faces of all the loving people around you.

• Someone you adore, dies and you will never ‘get to have that person’ again in this lifetime. This person could be a spouse, lover, child, parent, or best friend. The powerful lesson here is to learn to love all of the people who are still with you in this lifetime. Karma is always going to open another door when one very powerful door closes. Your job is to find the door, open it, and then to walk through it in loving grace.

• As a parent, you have done a great job of loving your children and fostering their independence. You just didn’t expect it to be so wrenching when they went off to college, married, or left home. You miss them more than you imagined you would. You have to grieve and yet celebrate their transition to adulthood and independence. This means that you have to learn to love the ones who are still with you with perhaps with a new and different focus.

Ultimately, the phrase love the one(s) you are with, means to look around you and decide that you really are not alone, that there is an ocean of great people out there to love. When you are grieving, unhappy, or lonely, you will find that you are in resonance with grieving, unhappy and lonely people. When you change, when you transform yourself into the kind of person you want to attract into your life, you go into resonance with happy, loving, healing personalities. There are lots of wonderful people out there, fascinating people with all kinds of interesting stories to tell who will willingly embrace you.

So, can’t have the one you love? Well, perhaps this lesson of love is to become the one everyone loves to be with!