KS&L 392: The Toxic Steam of Frustration by Tina Erwin

          Recently two friends were having a discussion about a City of La Mesa sewer bill. The city had told all the residents that if they, the city could attach the sewer bill to the property tax bill that it would save many thousands of dollars in billing and postage which would mean they wouldn’t have to raise sewer rates. So everyone agreed. However, when the property tax bill arrived all the sewer rates had risen dramatically. Pretty much all property owners were furious with the City of La Mesa’s deception.

         However, one friend reasoned that perhaps the city had infrastructure that needed to be repaired and that was why the bill grew so tremendously. She tried in vain to reason with her friend. They argued.

         The point of the discussion to the friend who was so angry, was not whether or not there may or may not have been another reason for the City’s deception as much as it was about the fact that the City of La Mesa lied to all the ratepayers.

         After the discussion ended, both of them realized that this discussion was actually more about the need to be angry about something sometimes. There are always going to be injustices whether or not it comes from government, or neighbors or unreasonable bosses. There are going to be things that make us angry and we, as human beings need to be able to vent about them.

         Sometimes, we simply need to take the time to discuss how angry something made us. This helps us to determine whether or not we need to do something about the situation, how to wrap our brain around a particular event, whether or not someone got a promotion and we didn’t and on and on. Sometimes, we have to have the freedom to talk about it. In those intense venting instances, it is usually better for the listener to do just that, listen, commiserate and allow the person to figure out what made him or her so angry. In this case, one friend was furious that the City of La Mesa had lied to all of their ratepayers. It was blatant. She needed to vent about it.

         When you listen, you have to allow the person to explore not just this event, but other issues as well. Frequently it can be the tip of the iceberg for something else. The problem is that in these times people are busy, stressed and tired, much of the time. Perhaps this is why venting is such a healthy opportunity: it allows the energy of an event to be released. All right maybe you can’t do something about a given situation, but talking about it helps you to bring balance within yourself. That’s what good friends are for, they understand, and just let you blow off that toxic steam of frustration. It is in those moments, that you really don’t care about another point of view. Sometimes, you just need to be mad!