Recently, a fifteen-year-old teenager had a disturbing and very haunting dream. She was not quite sure what it meant. Here is the dream:
“I am in my high school history class. There is a teenage boy there and he is lying down. People just seem to step over him. He wants help but he cannot understand why no one seems to be able to see him or even ask what the problem is. They just do not seem to know he is there. He talks to me and I listen to him. I work hard to get help, call 911, but no one hears me.
His heart is so sad. His parents cannot hear him, his teachers think he is a joke, his friends are off somewhere texting someone else. He feels like he is dying inside. He is in pain. He would cry, but he isn’t sure anyone would hear him, much less care. He feels that if he did die, no one would care.”
The teenager who had the dream is very sad when she awakens and she asks her Aunt what it means. Her Aunt asks the following questions:
Does she know anyone like this at school? Does she know anyone whom she believes is putting on a brave face, but inside they seem to emotionally dying a bit more every day?
Does she ever feel she can hear the thoughts of some of the kids in her High School?
What is she seeing as she walks the halls? What is she seeing beyond the heavy backpacks, cell phones and endless text messengers? These are her answers:
“Every day when I go to school, I see all these kids that no one seems to care about. They are arrogant, insecure and often think of themselves as hopeless. There is the guy who always wants to know what I bring for lunch. I know he never eats breakfast and no one seems to care about whether or not he goes to school. He cannot seem to grow because he is so malnourished. If he is lucky, he has a granola bar for lunch. Sometimes my Mom sends me with extra food so that I can have food to share with him. She makes him protein muffins. He loves them. He seems to drool over my fruit salad and chicken salad sandwiches. My Mom helps me to care about him. He is such a good kid, but to his parents he appears to be invisible.
I worry about Sara in my math class. Her parents are divorced and when she has to spend time with her father, he tells her he hates her and that she is a fat pig and worthless. She dare not tell her Mom because then her Mom would be angrier than she already is with her father. Her Mom also ignores her. I hate going to school and hearing how so many parents abuse their kids.
All the kids in my English class think I am some type of brain because I make all As, but all I do is pay attention in class and do the homework. The kids seem to be jealous of me and finally I started sitting them down and telling them how they can make As and bring up their grades. Some of them are actually doing it. I tell them that they are not dumb like their families say they are. I tell them they are just as smart as I am and finally, a few of them are starting to believe me. I am trying to help them. I want to help. My heart goes out to each of them, but I feel overwhelmed with the vast numbers of profoundly unhappy kids.
The teachers are totally apathetic. Why don’t they care about these kids? Why can’t they see the problems these kids have?
What can I do? What does the dream mean?”
In part 2, the dream is interpreted.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
KS&L 317 A Good Hair Day Part 2
Hair is so important to us that we build relationships with our hairdressers and/or barbers. Men now go to hairdressers as a normal thing. In years past, no real guy would consider going into a hair salon, but today, all that has changed. Men are paying considerably more attention to their hair, well beyond the functional crew cut/flat top of the 1950’s and ‘60’s.
One of the interesting elements of understanding the importance of hair is focusing on the way that the angle of our hair affects us. The mathematical degree of each curl or lack of curl will affect how we perceive ourselves in the mirror. When we say that ‘we just can’t get our hair to do anything today,’ usually means that we are having trouble getting the correct angles to manifest in our hair. The swoop, curl, poof of height, bang, drape of straight chic hair all affect how we feel we look. And how we feel we look affects how we believe our day will go. We seem to believe that if we start out with a bad hair day, an early morning fiasco of trying to get the right angles to manifest in our hair, that the rest of the day will follow those wrong angles as well. This is why once you cut your hair, you have to keep up with it and ‘work with it’ because as the hair grows, the angles are constantly changing. The problem is that we are not consciously aware of how we perceive our hair, or how those perceptions are constantly affecting us.
Hair crowns us. Hair is the halo of color, shape, texture, volume and shine that tops our bodies. No one wants to wear a crown that is lopsided, dented, thin or tarnished. Beautiful hair, for men and women is truly their crowning glory! Hair is one of the things that people notice first about us because it is a silent indicator of our overall health and outlook on life.
Balding routinely seems to be something to be avoided. Why are we always so surprised to see someone who is completely bald? Is the nakedness of someone’s head devoid of hair unnerving? Does that person appear vulnerable? Does hair, as we saw in the ancient story of Samson and Delilah, give us emotional, physical and spiritual strength? Is this why men desperately ‘comb-over’ their last remnants of hair and constantly wear some type of hat? It is fascinating to watch men who proudly walk around with a very bald head seem super macho – as if they have come to terms with the perception of vulnerability and changed that negative into a positive. No one ‘messes’ with them!
Perhaps this is why all the services routinely cut off all the hair of new male recruits. This removes the angles of our individuality and makes all the new guys look the same. Literally, they are all experiencing the same sense of vulnerability. This is a first step in getting total strangers to have an initial shared experience and begin to bond together; and ironically, it starts with hair. Over time, as their hair grows back, they find that they are changing as well, growing, maturing, and discovering who they are. Once those discoveries are made, then the new soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines are allowed to have modest individual hairstyles. Military women are required to instantly conform to hair standards as well but they will never be as stringent as men. Perhaps no one likes to completely strip women of their uniqueness or utterly remove the female crown.
The better we are able to manage our hair, the happier we feel. Any illness is directly reflected in our hair and a healthy happy person usually has great hair. Our thoughts, actions and perceptions of ourselves echo out and become visible in so many ways. The more we stay in karmic balance the better we can look literally, from the crown of our head to the tips of our toes!
One of the interesting elements of understanding the importance of hair is focusing on the way that the angle of our hair affects us. The mathematical degree of each curl or lack of curl will affect how we perceive ourselves in the mirror. When we say that ‘we just can’t get our hair to do anything today,’ usually means that we are having trouble getting the correct angles to manifest in our hair. The swoop, curl, poof of height, bang, drape of straight chic hair all affect how we feel we look. And how we feel we look affects how we believe our day will go. We seem to believe that if we start out with a bad hair day, an early morning fiasco of trying to get the right angles to manifest in our hair, that the rest of the day will follow those wrong angles as well. This is why once you cut your hair, you have to keep up with it and ‘work with it’ because as the hair grows, the angles are constantly changing. The problem is that we are not consciously aware of how we perceive our hair, or how those perceptions are constantly affecting us.
Hair crowns us. Hair is the halo of color, shape, texture, volume and shine that tops our bodies. No one wants to wear a crown that is lopsided, dented, thin or tarnished. Beautiful hair, for men and women is truly their crowning glory! Hair is one of the things that people notice first about us because it is a silent indicator of our overall health and outlook on life.
Balding routinely seems to be something to be avoided. Why are we always so surprised to see someone who is completely bald? Is the nakedness of someone’s head devoid of hair unnerving? Does that person appear vulnerable? Does hair, as we saw in the ancient story of Samson and Delilah, give us emotional, physical and spiritual strength? Is this why men desperately ‘comb-over’ their last remnants of hair and constantly wear some type of hat? It is fascinating to watch men who proudly walk around with a very bald head seem super macho – as if they have come to terms with the perception of vulnerability and changed that negative into a positive. No one ‘messes’ with them!
Perhaps this is why all the services routinely cut off all the hair of new male recruits. This removes the angles of our individuality and makes all the new guys look the same. Literally, they are all experiencing the same sense of vulnerability. This is a first step in getting total strangers to have an initial shared experience and begin to bond together; and ironically, it starts with hair. Over time, as their hair grows back, they find that they are changing as well, growing, maturing, and discovering who they are. Once those discoveries are made, then the new soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines are allowed to have modest individual hairstyles. Military women are required to instantly conform to hair standards as well but they will never be as stringent as men. Perhaps no one likes to completely strip women of their uniqueness or utterly remove the female crown.
The better we are able to manage our hair, the happier we feel. Any illness is directly reflected in our hair and a healthy happy person usually has great hair. Our thoughts, actions and perceptions of ourselves echo out and become visible in so many ways. The more we stay in karmic balance the better we can look literally, from the crown of our head to the tips of our toes!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
KS&L 316 A Good Hair Day Part 1
Everyone who has hair and those who only have a little hair on their head, know that our hair affects our life on a subtle often ‘un-thought about’ way. Literally, it is as if we have a sort of ‘cloud of hair’ on our head and how that ‘cloud of hair’ looks on any given day will have a tremendous affect on how we feel our day is going.
Why is that? Why does having a good hair day matter at all? Why do we spend staggering amounts of money on hair products, enhancements, wigs, hair-pieces, hair treatments, barbers and hair dressers? Why do women seek the perfect color for their hair? Why do men ‘comb over’ their last precious threads of hair to cover that dreaded bald spot? Why are all of us so utterly vain about our hair?
Why is it exquisitely tragic when someone undergoing chemotherapy loses his or her hair? Somehow the loss of their crowning glory, their hair is visual proof of their body’s fragile vulnerability.
What does hair have to do with karma?
Hair is an element of how we see ourselves and how that self-image enables us to balance various aspects of our life. Karma is only about balance and how ‘balanced’ we feel often has a tremendous amount to do with how balanced we believe our hair looks, moment to moment.
Hairstyles carry significantly different symbols of meaning for men and women, although, these days, men are just as concerned about having a good hair day as women are. Consider that in times gone by, a thick head of very long hair on both men and women was the norm. Hours were spent brushing red, black, blonde or chestnut strands of hair, and some treasured possessions were women’s hair clips made of whalebone or tortoise shell.
Hairstyles, in more modern times, say a great deal about us, for example:
• A swept-off-your face look may mean that you are not afraid to be open to everyone and all kinds of new ideas. You do not let things block you, you have a powerful need to see absolutely clearly and that includes not having any hair in your face.
• Hair that covers most of your face often means that you are not entirely comfortable meeting the world and so you use your hair to retreat to an emotional safety zone.
• Partial bangs may mean that you are testing the waters of ‘being out there’ and use the partial ‘bang’ as a screen.
• Hair partially in your face can also mean that you allow people to get ‘only so close to you.’ It is a way of saying that you keep people at arm’s length, so to speak. You can be friendly, but reserved.
• Hair that is constantly dyed a new color may indicate a person who is trying to find him or herself, or someone who is rebelling against the status quo.
• Hair that is fashioned into outrageous ‘dos’, such as Mohawks, super spikes in psychedelic colors and hair that is shaved into often, bewildering designs – bewildering for the observer – make a powerful statement. These are the ‘in-your-face’ kinds of styles designed to intimidate. These folks are defying people to judge them and then watching that observer’s discomfort at their astonishing appearance.
We love watching people. We all do it. The wisest ones among us just observe without judgment because, truly, we do not know the path of another. The others of us just shake our heads at how people look. If we like someone’s hair, we feel confident in saying so. “Great Hair,” “Love that style,” or “You’re having a great hair day aren’t you!” We feel good when we tell someone this. For others we may ponder what were they thinking when they got up this morning! Often we are so worried that people will judge our hair that we immediately apologize for our hair, serving the other person fair warning: ‘I’m not having a good hair day,’ or ‘I didn’t do hair today, just resting’ as if we need permission to ‘let our hair down, and relax.’ Good Hair will continue next week in part 2
Why is that? Why does having a good hair day matter at all? Why do we spend staggering amounts of money on hair products, enhancements, wigs, hair-pieces, hair treatments, barbers and hair dressers? Why do women seek the perfect color for their hair? Why do men ‘comb over’ their last precious threads of hair to cover that dreaded bald spot? Why are all of us so utterly vain about our hair?
Why is it exquisitely tragic when someone undergoing chemotherapy loses his or her hair? Somehow the loss of their crowning glory, their hair is visual proof of their body’s fragile vulnerability.
What does hair have to do with karma?
Hair is an element of how we see ourselves and how that self-image enables us to balance various aspects of our life. Karma is only about balance and how ‘balanced’ we feel often has a tremendous amount to do with how balanced we believe our hair looks, moment to moment.
Hairstyles carry significantly different symbols of meaning for men and women, although, these days, men are just as concerned about having a good hair day as women are. Consider that in times gone by, a thick head of very long hair on both men and women was the norm. Hours were spent brushing red, black, blonde or chestnut strands of hair, and some treasured possessions were women’s hair clips made of whalebone or tortoise shell.
Hairstyles, in more modern times, say a great deal about us, for example:
• A swept-off-your face look may mean that you are not afraid to be open to everyone and all kinds of new ideas. You do not let things block you, you have a powerful need to see absolutely clearly and that includes not having any hair in your face.
• Hair that covers most of your face often means that you are not entirely comfortable meeting the world and so you use your hair to retreat to an emotional safety zone.
• Partial bangs may mean that you are testing the waters of ‘being out there’ and use the partial ‘bang’ as a screen.
• Hair partially in your face can also mean that you allow people to get ‘only so close to you.’ It is a way of saying that you keep people at arm’s length, so to speak. You can be friendly, but reserved.
• Hair that is constantly dyed a new color may indicate a person who is trying to find him or herself, or someone who is rebelling against the status quo.
• Hair that is fashioned into outrageous ‘dos’, such as Mohawks, super spikes in psychedelic colors and hair that is shaved into often, bewildering designs – bewildering for the observer – make a powerful statement. These are the ‘in-your-face’ kinds of styles designed to intimidate. These folks are defying people to judge them and then watching that observer’s discomfort at their astonishing appearance.
We love watching people. We all do it. The wisest ones among us just observe without judgment because, truly, we do not know the path of another. The others of us just shake our heads at how people look. If we like someone’s hair, we feel confident in saying so. “Great Hair,” “Love that style,” or “You’re having a great hair day aren’t you!” We feel good when we tell someone this. For others we may ponder what were they thinking when they got up this morning! Often we are so worried that people will judge our hair that we immediately apologize for our hair, serving the other person fair warning: ‘I’m not having a good hair day,’ or ‘I didn’t do hair today, just resting’ as if we need permission to ‘let our hair down, and relax.’ Good Hair will continue next week in part 2
Sunday, April 4, 2010
KS&L 315 That's Not My Area
We all know people who know it all. They have an amazing repertoire of answers to every question. Friends hate to bring up any subject in front of them, because invariably this person will just take over the conversation and launch into a lengthy dissertation. These folks sincerely love hearing themselves talk.
But every now and then there is a person who is very knowledgeable about so many things, yet you only get to know how knowledgeable they are when you ask them a question. Then they will tell you what you need to know and then stop. If you want to know more, you can ask another question. They also understand the give and take of social interaction and proceed to engage you in conversation. As the exchange goes back and forth, a sense of richness develops. Each person is being nourished in the interaction, no one person insisting on being the ‘dominant player.’
Frequently, as you have these exchanges, this same very aware person will simply say, that’s not my area. They may know who’s area it is and tell you so. If you are earnest in wanting their opinion about something and they tell you that is really not their area, and you still press them, they will reluctantly make a comment.
The mark of a very wise person is the ability to know what they do not know; they are aware of where their expertise lies and where it doesn’t. A wise person may also not answer a question directly. They may sense that there is a greater issue and query you about it in a gentle way, if they feel that there is possibly a more subtle reason that you asked it.
Another element in this social interaction with a wise person is the concept that you can trust that if they do not know something, they are so secure within themselves that they can just say that they don’t know it. There is no crime, in not having all the answers and not having knowledge in a particular area. No one can know everything.
This philosophy is critically important in school, business and family settings. No parent or CEO can know everything. The point of any experience is the opportunity to engage students, friends, subordinates, family and/or children in conversation, exploring possibilities and potential successes and failures. Planning requires every player’s input. This type of philosophy of knowing what you do and do not know provides for balance in interactions, especially in families.
Families with teenagers who include them in planning any family evolution find that they just don’t have problems with their teenagers. This is because the teens are positively invested in the outcome of the problem or plan. The realities of it live within them. Parents who solicit the teen’s input evaluate it as valuable and then implement it, help the young person learn their own personal value. These are times of building “confidence”. The parent who honestly says: “that’s not my area, son, what do you think, what would you suggest?” show the teen that this parent honestly is open to learning and to valuing what their son or daughter bring to the table.
This is also true in successful companies. The junior executive may come up with a completely ‘out-of-the-box’ type of thinking that may be just what the company needs. Here again, the CEO who can honestly explain: ‘that’s not my area, what would you suggest?’ offers the younger person the opportunity to ‘show his or her stuff’ and impress the boss.
Leadership is not only about always being right and righteous. Leadership is demonstrating through action and interaction how valuable everyone’s contribution can be to the whole organization – and it starts with the ability to say: that’s not my area.”
But every now and then there is a person who is very knowledgeable about so many things, yet you only get to know how knowledgeable they are when you ask them a question. Then they will tell you what you need to know and then stop. If you want to know more, you can ask another question. They also understand the give and take of social interaction and proceed to engage you in conversation. As the exchange goes back and forth, a sense of richness develops. Each person is being nourished in the interaction, no one person insisting on being the ‘dominant player.’
Frequently, as you have these exchanges, this same very aware person will simply say, that’s not my area. They may know who’s area it is and tell you so. If you are earnest in wanting their opinion about something and they tell you that is really not their area, and you still press them, they will reluctantly make a comment.
The mark of a very wise person is the ability to know what they do not know; they are aware of where their expertise lies and where it doesn’t. A wise person may also not answer a question directly. They may sense that there is a greater issue and query you about it in a gentle way, if they feel that there is possibly a more subtle reason that you asked it.
Another element in this social interaction with a wise person is the concept that you can trust that if they do not know something, they are so secure within themselves that they can just say that they don’t know it. There is no crime, in not having all the answers and not having knowledge in a particular area. No one can know everything.
This philosophy is critically important in school, business and family settings. No parent or CEO can know everything. The point of any experience is the opportunity to engage students, friends, subordinates, family and/or children in conversation, exploring possibilities and potential successes and failures. Planning requires every player’s input. This type of philosophy of knowing what you do and do not know provides for balance in interactions, especially in families.
Families with teenagers who include them in planning any family evolution find that they just don’t have problems with their teenagers. This is because the teens are positively invested in the outcome of the problem or plan. The realities of it live within them. Parents who solicit the teen’s input evaluate it as valuable and then implement it, help the young person learn their own personal value. These are times of building “confidence”. The parent who honestly says: “that’s not my area, son, what do you think, what would you suggest?” show the teen that this parent honestly is open to learning and to valuing what their son or daughter bring to the table.
This is also true in successful companies. The junior executive may come up with a completely ‘out-of-the-box’ type of thinking that may be just what the company needs. Here again, the CEO who can honestly explain: ‘that’s not my area, what would you suggest?’ offers the younger person the opportunity to ‘show his or her stuff’ and impress the boss.
Leadership is not only about always being right and righteous. Leadership is demonstrating through action and interaction how valuable everyone’s contribution can be to the whole organization – and it starts with the ability to say: that’s not my area.”
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