KS&L 315 That's Not My Area

We all know people who know it all. They have an amazing repertoire of answers to every question. Friends hate to bring up any subject in front of them, because invariably this person will just take over the conversation and launch into a lengthy dissertation. These folks sincerely love hearing themselves talk.

But every now and then there is a person who is very knowledgeable about so many things, yet you only get to know how knowledgeable they are when you ask them a question. Then they will tell you what you need to know and then stop. If you want to know more, you can ask another question. They also understand the give and take of social interaction and proceed to engage you in conversation. As the exchange goes back and forth, a sense of richness develops. Each person is being nourished in the interaction, no one person insisting on being the ‘dominant player.’

Frequently, as you have these exchanges, this same very aware person will simply say, that’s not my area. They may know who’s area it is and tell you so. If you are earnest in wanting their opinion about something and they tell you that is really not their area, and you still press them, they will reluctantly make a comment.

The mark of a very wise person is the ability to know what they do not know; they are aware of where their expertise lies and where it doesn’t. A wise person may also not answer a question directly. They may sense that there is a greater issue and query you about it in a gentle way, if they feel that there is possibly a more subtle reason that you asked it.

Another element in this social interaction with a wise person is the concept that you can trust that if they do not know something, they are so secure within themselves that they can just say that they don’t know it. There is no crime, in not having all the answers and not having knowledge in a particular area. No one can know everything.

This philosophy is critically important in school, business and family settings. No parent or CEO can know everything. The point of any experience is the opportunity to engage students, friends, subordinates, family and/or children in conversation, exploring possibilities and potential successes and failures. Planning requires every player’s input. This type of philosophy of knowing what you do and do not know provides for balance in interactions, especially in families.

Families with teenagers who include them in planning any family evolution find that they just don’t have problems with their teenagers. This is because the teens are positively invested in the outcome of the problem or plan. The realities of it live within them. Parents who solicit the teen’s input evaluate it as valuable and then implement it, help the young person learn their own personal value. These are times of building “confidence”. The parent who honestly says: “that’s not my area, son, what do you think, what would you suggest?” show the teen that this parent honestly is open to learning and to valuing what their son or daughter bring to the table.

This is also true in successful companies. The junior executive may come up with a completely ‘out-of-the-box’ type of thinking that may be just what the company needs. Here again, the CEO who can honestly explain: ‘that’s not my area, what would you suggest?’ offers the younger person the opportunity to ‘show his or her stuff’ and impress the boss.

Leadership is not only about always being right and righteous. Leadership is demonstrating through action and interaction how valuable everyone’s contribution can be to the whole organization – and it starts with the ability to say: that’s not my area.”