KS&L 355 The Alcoholic Monster

Client: “Why does my Mom do that? Why does she seem all sweet and nice one minute and then an absolute monster the next?”

Tina: “Does she drink?”

Client: “How did you know?”

Tina: “Well, it was a pretty good guess that she had a drinking problem. You aren’t alone. I see bosses this way, moms and dads, spouses, all great one minute and then, it is as if this monster comes out and attacks you and you can’t figure out what you did. Mostly, you can’t see it coming. Sometimes the monster is physically violent and sometimes the monster is ‘just’ verbally abusive.”

Client: “How, why does this happen? I love my mother, or some parts of her, but I don’t love her when she does this, when she says these things to me, and my kids. Does this make me a bad person? I mean, just how do I deal with her?”

Tina: “How does this happen? It starts out when the person discovers that he or she is depressed for some reason, could be any reason, a sad childhood, a failed relationship, an ‘crack’ in an emotional foundation, a severe trauma. Whatever the reason, the person becomes depressed and they never fully, pull out of it. The only time the individual feels that he or she can hope to handle the pain is when there is a drink in their hand. The depressed person is self-medicating the emotional pain with alcohol. First it is a little and then it is a lot. This can also happen with prescription drugs, but alcohol is the most common choice.”

Client: “I remember my mom when I was younger and she has always been difficult but as the years have gone by, her verbal attacks have become worse and worse. This latest issue is simply bizarre. She has accused me of lying to her, of trying to take her money. She has involved her grandson (my son), telling him that I have not been honest. He is baffled by her behavior. He tends to remember her as a great grandmother, but now, she just seems like this monster. Why would she deliberately risk ruining the relationship with not just my oldest son, but with all of her grandchildren? This just doesn’t make any logical sense. It is as if there is a monster inside of her – you’re right, someone, something I don’t know and don’t recognize.

Tina: “Don’t recognize? I bet you have seen this monster pop up repeatedly, but those previous episodes were dismissed, never quite this bad before, right?”

Client: “I guess you are right. I just never really wanted to face them before because they are so ugly. I made excuses for her. I thought she had stopped drinking years ago. Maybe she has restarted. Why is there almost a duality to her personality?”

Tina: “Everything is about frequency. The higher your frequency, the better you feel and the happier you will be. A high frequency and alcohol are mutually exclusive. The more you drink, the lower your frequency becomes, and ultimately the worse you will feel. But there is more than this.

An alcoholic has a chronically low frequency because they either go to bars where alcohol is served, or they go to liquor stores where alcohol is purchased. The reason this is a critical factor is that alcoholics who die, do not necessarily move into the light. They simply continue to hang around bars and liquor stores, looking for living alcoholics to ‘join.’ Literally, with a low frequency, a living alcoholic is like an open doorway. It is very easy for an alcoholic ghost to literally begin to possess their hapless living victim.”

Client: “So is this the ‘monster’ you are referring to, the possessing spirit who has joined my mother and contributed to her abhorrent behavior?”

Tina: “That’s right, the possessing spirit is the monster and there can be literally dozens of ghost alcoholics who can inhabit a living person. When someone says ‘I’m just not myself today,’ they aren’t kidding!

Remember, alcohol breaks down the emotional structures of civilized behavior. Once those are destroyed, the person becomes lost in a toxic fog of confusion. This is why they often simply don’t remember what they did or said to you or how they behaved. They look at you like you must be crazy because they can’t remember the event or any verbal exchanges. Then the person becomes irrationally angry that you would accuse them of this. You can see the flicker of the monster hiding behind the façade that was the person you knew.”

Client: “What can I do? How do I interact with my mom? I feel guilty when I don’t contact her, but any conversation is becoming more and more impossible. I feel like I can’t win this.”

Tina: “This isn’t about winning, it is about having the insight that you cannot change this person and you cannot help her to be free of the monster. You cannot want something that someone does not want for themselves. . . and your mother has no intention of changing.

Every time you allow her to hurt you, and you do have a choice in this matter, you incur the karma of inciting the encounter. The less you allow these encounters, the less karma can be had here.

What about the karma of being concerned for her and feeling responsible for her, which may be what you are thinking now? You can only do the best you can. If she is too dangerous to drive, you can notify the authorities or her physician and see if you can have her driving privileges suspended after a thorough physical. If she passes that, then there is not much you can do. Limit your exposure to her and advise your children to do the same.

Learn from your mom what this looks and feels like. Send her a prayer that asks God to give your Mom the strength and courage to overcome her karmic weakness, and then let go of the issue. It is not yours to resolve. Keep sending her prayer, but remember that you cannot ask her to change her behavior because that violates her free will and you cannot do that – you might want to, but you can’t.”

Client: “I guess I am learning quite a bit from her and about myself. I am coming to understand that I cannot change her, almost a revelation for me and that I do not have to accept her behavior. Thank you for that prayer. It gives me something positive to do and allows me to move on with my life.”

Tina: “Loving a person with a monster isn’t easy. Love your mom. Say the prayer, ask for guidance and then move forward with your life, for at this point, you will have done all that you can do for her. Release any guilt and allow yourself to heal. Always focus on the positive and appreciate the lessons that karma offers for you are not alone, we are all offered unique lessons in this and every life. The powerful point is that to evolve as souls, we each have to recognize the lessons and appreciate the learning opportunity provided even from the monsters among us!”

Excerpt from the Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and step.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the season-less world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Loves possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these by your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
and to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

KS&L 354 Sleep as Spiritual Practice

Those valiant souls who study yoga over time, know about the discipline of spiritual practice. Their yoga teachers will admonish them to breathe, to feel their body, to listen to their body and to ask the body what it wants. Yoga is only about measured movements, releasing stressful negativity from the body, and being healthy overall. Yoga is also about the peace of release as stress, worry and pain leave the body when the yoga student finally lies down to ‘take a savasana,’ or rest.

Savasana is one of the most important ‘postures’ in yoga and literally it means to feel the body at rest. Feel the body at rest is a novel concept. What does that mean and what does it have to do with sleep?

When we go to sleep, most of us just plop down in bed, exhausted from a day of trying to cram way too much into about 18 hours of useable time. We have probably listened to everyone else’s issues, worked hard at problem solving and projected our thoughts to tomorrow’s challenges. Then we expect our body to ‘just go to sleep.’ Computers can just go to sleep, but human beings cannot do this. Human beings need time to process the volume of emotional events that have happened during a modern day.

So much of the time, even very spiritual people are too exhausted to pray and yet they want to, they want to exercise that spiritual process of connecting to the Divine before they enter the dimension of sleep. Yet the ‘busyness’ of their day, the demands of dynamic mind to solve huge, complicated issues leads them away from that critical Divine connection.

Human beings often view sleep as a necessary distraction from the amount they have to get done. Some people try to train themselves to sleep less, thinking – wrongly – that they will get so much more done. This just isn’t true.

Human bodies need physical sleep to repair all of the systems in a functioning body. The body only repairs itself at night during the sleep state. Quick naps may refresh a person but that is not enough time to allow the body to process out all of the adrenalin that we each absorb during a busy day. The body also has to process the volume of healthy and unhealthy food that we have eaten. The body also has to evaluate itself to see if there are pathogens that need to be expelled through kidneys and liver. All systems have to be evaluated, given healing and brought back up to functioning levels for each person to expect to function during the day.

That process takes a full eight hours to work successfully. Not five or six and a half, but a full eight hours of continuous, uninterrupted sleep. This is not a luxury; it is a requirement for good health, a sharp mind and strong muscles and organs.

The creative process desperately requires sleep. The more sleep, the more creative we can be no matter what our jobs. Creative problem solving is a creative process. When we sleep, our diligent subconscious starts to work on our body to realign, repair and nourish our physical structure. Our conscious self leaves the body to its work and reconnects to the Divine, our Higher Self. This is why prayer prior to sleep is always a positive thing to do. The more we pray, the more we open ourselves up to the tender mercies, the wisdom and the energy of the Heaven world. We can always ask for the Divine to be with us when we sleep so that we can assure ourselves that critical connection with the hope of creating the wonderful and powerful energy of tomorrow.

Honoring our body, spirit and mind with our connection to the Divine helps us to grow on every level, to evolve into spiritual beings. It also provides the physical body with spiritual nourishment, something only sleep, delicious sleep can provide!

KS&L 353 You Earn Your Face

Look in the mirror. Notice, who is staring back at you? Do you like this person? Is the person in the mirror someone you respect? Is there light that emanates from your face? Is there anger that emanates from your face? Is this the face of a person of good character?

You earn your face as each year of your life passes. You earn every line, every wrinkle and every character-reflecting attribute of your face.

Think back to the face of someone you adore. Why do you love them so much? Picture their face. Is this a character you will always remember? Look for the light that comes from that face and notice how it makes you smile both inside and out. What is it about that face that creates these warm feelings inside you? Think about what this person means to you and what actions this person has taken that make him or her precious to you.

Every person’s face is composed of all the elements that have faceted his or her life. A person’s face will tell you a great deal about them, especially if you take an extra moment to study the subtle cues that emanate from that face. It is more than just watching someone’s eyes.

Innocence in the face of someone can mean several things. For some it means, that no matter what their age, they have the fragile innocence of absolute faith. That faith may not be backed with wisdom because this soul may not be quite that advanced yet, but it does mean that the person trusts that they will be all right.

Pain in someone’s face may have come from an unhealed broken heart. The pain in their countenance may not yet have turned to bitterness. Right now it is just pain. Perhaps later, if healing is not achieved, the bitterness of injustice may set in.

Pain may also be the physical pain of an injury that may not be able to be healed in this lifetime. Chronic pain creates muscles frozen in place as the person endlessly and uselessly tries to alleviate that, which cannot be healed.

The perennially laughing person, with the imbedded laugh lines around their mouth and eyes may have found that laughter is an effective way to hide pain and hurt. That person may also believe that they can readily help others by a constant upbeat demeanor. This person never wants to deliberately bring anyone else ‘down’ with his or her own issues.

Some people only look at you when they have to, keeping their face somewhat privately and uniquely concealed with a hat, bangs, hair, or huge beard. Some never want you to see how time and experience have shaped their face. These individuals embrace the endless torture of trying to change their face into an artificially perfect visage through the punishing agonies of plastic surgery.

Fear often lines some faces. Fear of not being loved or of never fully feeling safe because trust was violated for this person at an early age. Fear and disappointment are overbearing teachers.

Souls who have chosen to face their worst fears and found themselves stronger than they ever thought possible, will unabashedly face you with a kind and open face. They have no agenda. They may be touched by sadness in their path of life but it has not made them avoid living.

The wise ones among us have a light that emanates from them when they smile. Their very ordinariness makes them approachable. They give you what they can give you out of love and respect. You can be peaceful in their presence.

Time and experience shape our faces. Our responses to the passage of time and the coping with life experiences determine how we will face the world. Ultimately, the very character and description of our soul is etched in the face we present to the world. The haunting face of Mother Theresa was the face of the dynamic embrace of time and the noble acceptance of human experience. Truly, hers was the face of staggering character.

The next time you look in the mirror, notice the character looking back, not the lines, wrinkles or imperfections. Let the face of dynamic character be the face you choose to see in yourself and others. Once you are able to see that, then let the soul of compassion that lives within you beam back at them.