Client: “Why does my Mom do that? Why does she seem all sweet and nice one minute and then an absolute monster the next?”
Tina: “Does she drink?”
Client: “How did you know?”
Tina: “Well, it was a pretty good guess that she had a drinking problem. You aren’t alone. I see bosses this way, moms and dads, spouses, all great one minute and then, it is as if this monster comes out and attacks you and you can’t figure out what you did. Mostly, you can’t see it coming. Sometimes the monster is physically violent and sometimes the monster is ‘just’ verbally abusive.”
Client: “How, why does this happen? I love my mother, or some parts of her, but I don’t love her when she does this, when she says these things to me, and my kids. Does this make me a bad person? I mean, just how do I deal with her?”
Tina: “How does this happen? It starts out when the person discovers that he or she is depressed for some reason, could be any reason, a sad childhood, a failed relationship, an ‘crack’ in an emotional foundation, a severe trauma. Whatever the reason, the person becomes depressed and they never fully, pull out of it. The only time the individual feels that he or she can hope to handle the pain is when there is a drink in their hand. The depressed person is self-medicating the emotional pain with alcohol. First it is a little and then it is a lot. This can also happen with prescription drugs, but alcohol is the most common choice.”
Client: “I remember my mom when I was younger and she has always been difficult but as the years have gone by, her verbal attacks have become worse and worse. This latest issue is simply bizarre. She has accused me of lying to her, of trying to take her money. She has involved her grandson (my son), telling him that I have not been honest. He is baffled by her behavior. He tends to remember her as a great grandmother, but now, she just seems like this monster. Why would she deliberately risk ruining the relationship with not just my oldest son, but with all of her grandchildren? This just doesn’t make any logical sense. It is as if there is a monster inside of her – you’re right, someone, something I don’t know and don’t recognize.
Tina: “Don’t recognize? I bet you have seen this monster pop up repeatedly, but those previous episodes were dismissed, never quite this bad before, right?”
Client: “I guess you are right. I just never really wanted to face them before because they are so ugly. I made excuses for her. I thought she had stopped drinking years ago. Maybe she has restarted. Why is there almost a duality to her personality?”
Tina: “Everything is about frequency. The higher your frequency, the better you feel and the happier you will be. A high frequency and alcohol are mutually exclusive. The more you drink, the lower your frequency becomes, and ultimately the worse you will feel. But there is more than this.
An alcoholic has a chronically low frequency because they either go to bars where alcohol is served, or they go to liquor stores where alcohol is purchased. The reason this is a critical factor is that alcoholics who die, do not necessarily move into the light. They simply continue to hang around bars and liquor stores, looking for living alcoholics to ‘join.’ Literally, with a low frequency, a living alcoholic is like an open doorway. It is very easy for an alcoholic ghost to literally begin to possess their hapless living victim.”
Client: “So is this the ‘monster’ you are referring to, the possessing spirit who has joined my mother and contributed to her abhorrent behavior?”
Tina: “That’s right, the possessing spirit is the monster and there can be literally dozens of ghost alcoholics who can inhabit a living person. When someone says ‘I’m just not myself today,’ they aren’t kidding!
Remember, alcohol breaks down the emotional structures of civilized behavior. Once those are destroyed, the person becomes lost in a toxic fog of confusion. This is why they often simply don’t remember what they did or said to you or how they behaved. They look at you like you must be crazy because they can’t remember the event or any verbal exchanges. Then the person becomes irrationally angry that you would accuse them of this. You can see the flicker of the monster hiding behind the façade that was the person you knew.”
Client: “What can I do? How do I interact with my mom? I feel guilty when I don’t contact her, but any conversation is becoming more and more impossible. I feel like I can’t win this.”
Tina: “This isn’t about winning, it is about having the insight that you cannot change this person and you cannot help her to be free of the monster. You cannot want something that someone does not want for themselves. . . and your mother has no intention of changing.
Every time you allow her to hurt you, and you do have a choice in this matter, you incur the karma of inciting the encounter. The less you allow these encounters, the less karma can be had here.
What about the karma of being concerned for her and feeling responsible for her, which may be what you are thinking now? You can only do the best you can. If she is too dangerous to drive, you can notify the authorities or her physician and see if you can have her driving privileges suspended after a thorough physical. If she passes that, then there is not much you can do. Limit your exposure to her and advise your children to do the same.
Learn from your mom what this looks and feels like. Send her a prayer that asks God to give your Mom the strength and courage to overcome her karmic weakness, and then let go of the issue. It is not yours to resolve. Keep sending her prayer, but remember that you cannot ask her to change her behavior because that violates her free will and you cannot do that – you might want to, but you can’t.”
Client: “I guess I am learning quite a bit from her and about myself. I am coming to understand that I cannot change her, almost a revelation for me and that I do not have to accept her behavior. Thank you for that prayer. It gives me something positive to do and allows me to move on with my life.”
Tina: “Loving a person with a monster isn’t easy. Love your mom. Say the prayer, ask for guidance and then move forward with your life, for at this point, you will have done all that you can do for her. Release any guilt and allow yourself to heal. Always focus on the positive and appreciate the lessons that karma offers for you are not alone, we are all offered unique lessons in this and every life. The powerful point is that to evolve as souls, we each have to recognize the lessons and appreciate the learning opportunity provided even from the monsters among us!”
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