On Mother’s Day, there are lots of cards about Moms. You use that vehicle to let your Mom know how much you love her. On many levels, it is a day of remembrance. So what does it mean to be a mother? Just what is this concept of mothering?
Mothering is as universally unique as it is uniform. To mother, is to care. To ‘mother hen’ someone is to look after them, to make sure they are safe, fed and most of all loved. If you are the giver of this care, what does it feel like and why do so many people do it?
Some think mothering is hormonal because from the moment your child is placed in your arms, you rise to the occasion of your finest mothering. When you hear your child cry, you can feel that child’s neediness tugging at your body. Even in the moments when the sheer volume of care required for a newborn, tidal waves you, you still rise to the occasion of doing your best for this tiny human being.
The emotion that probably most astounds you is the love you feel for this child. When this semi-stranger comes home from the hospital, you have to get to know each other. Even though you may feel you know your child because you have carried him or her for nine months, once he or she has arrived, you still have to learn about each other.
The love you have for your child makes you want to be a better human being. The conscientious new Mom wants to do all the wonderful things her Mom did or wished her Mom had done. As this new Mom fights her fatigue, she discovers the meaning of sacrifice as she learns what it means to put her child before herself.
And this is when it happens: you fall in love with your child. It is not a romantic love, it is a classic love, a pure golden feeling of magnificent emotion that feels like it is going to burst forth from your very being, like a rose opening broadly, on a bright summer day. The energy of this love is so powerful, that it is often what carries you through the endless days of sleepless nights and the amazing years you spend with your child.
You find yourself eternally praying for the health and safety of this charming new person. The deep attachment a mother has for a child goes to the core of life itself. You know without question that you would sacrifice your life for your child. These are seldom feelings any mother will share with someone else: she just has them; they live within her. Love lights her way.
As the years pass, that love, never wanes. However, a critical attribute that can evolve from that love is the wisdom to inherently know what you can do and what you cannot do. You have to love a child so much that you have the strength of character to say no to this child when the situation demands it. You also gain the wisdom to understand the truth that sometimes, children have to experience life and cannot be shielded from the lessons that life is going to offer. That knowledge is what separates the wise mother from the controlling, dominating mother, and it is the treasure of that wisdom that makes that wise mother beloved no matter how old time says that she is.
The wise mother values every challenging experience her children have offered her, and at some point she forgives herself for the things she wishes she could have done differently.
Not all women mother in the way described above. Not all women are great Moms. However, for those of us who do feel this way, perhaps Mothers day is a day that we can say to our children, thank you for allowing me a front row seat as you take center stage of your own life. Thank you for being patient with me while I learned what you needed and how to guide you. Thank you for allowing me to be your Mom!
Happy Mother’s Day!
This KS&L is dedicated to my children, James, Jeanne Marie and Andrew.
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