KS&L 319 The Invisible Teenager Part 2

The interpretation of the dream this teenager had is relatively straightforward. She is feeling overwhelmed with the sadness she sees and feels all around her. The ‘symbolic’ teenager on the floor in her dream is literally invisible to family, friends, and teachers.

The teachers are overwhelmed with the sheer numbers of needy kids coming from classically dysfunctional homes. Many of them may have tried to help earlier in their careers, but they may have very quickly become burned out. For each one they tried to help, there were a thousand more. Some kids resisted them, not trusting that anyone really cared. A few kids tried and for those, a particular teacher here or there may have made a difference, but having a student for only three hours a week or so based on the type of school schedule they would have had, would never have been enough to get through to a troubled teen.

The teachers become battered by the ever-increasing requirements to do better, teach to tests, watch for signs of stress in kids. They have to deal with the classroom disrupters, the kids who are disrespectful toward every school assigned task and then there are the dangerous troublemakers. Teachers are human. They are at a point where they cannot hope to make up for the staggering lack of parenting these kids are experiencing in a couple of hours a week of class work. They are teaching math, English, history or PE, they are not guidance counselors or psychologists.

Often, teachers are struggling with their own difficulties, their own divorces, financial problems, or dysfunctional home lives. There is a limit and they reached it long, long ago. Many are even wondering why they are teaching. In self-defense, they had to detach from the difficulties they were/are seeing in their classrooms or else literally, go mad.

Parents of high school kids frequently find these are the ‘divorce years’, where parents reach that magical number of married years and then decide that they cannot stay married and a divorce ensues. Each parent then turns love in their households off and finds themselves full of anger, frustration and financial woe. Listening and helping their teenagers during this time is low on the list of priorities. Not all families do this but really, a staggering number do this.

Some parents have low self-esteem and if they don’t divorce their spouses, they seem to divorce their kids by constantly telling these young people how incompetent they are, worthless and stupid. Some call young, vulnerable teenage girls fat, ugly and stupid. They call their sons hopeless, good-for-nothing and incompetent. If they only perform verbal abuse on these kids, that is horrible enough, but a surprising number of parents are also physically abusive.

Some parents are emotionally absent. Perhaps they do not say negative things, but at the same time they long ago lost the ability to hear their kids. The standard line for a parent who cannot hear their kids is ‘You’re grounded!” Many parents never, ever have to ground their kids. The reason is that their kids are heard, there is a comfortable dialog and a sense of love and most of all mutual respect between parent and teenager. These are the parents who absolutely believe in the goodness of their teenage children and listen to them. Isn’t that a novel thought? Imagine ceasing the ‘busyness’ in your life and actually listening to your children.

Many emotionally deaf parents wake up to kids who have done inappropriate things, instantly judge [usually wrongly] the situation and apply punishment. At what point are they listening? Usually they never listen, and anger and resentment begin to seethe in their son or daughter and an ever-widening gulf appears. These are the kids dying to leave home, however they can.

So back to the dream, perhaps the most significant part of this young girl’s dream was that she had the dream at all. She is seeing and hearing these kids where no one else can. Her Aunt will be explaining the challenge of the karmic path of these children and why she must refrain from judging it. What this sensitive young girl can do is to provide love and assistance where she can and then learn to detach. Each person in the high school scenario is having an experience, a life opportunity to grow and change. How each one of them reacts will echo out for a long time. Sometimes all you can do is what you can and then detach without feeling guilty. Never allow yourself to emotionally drown with your friends and family.

To many, the answer above will seem inadequate, however, it is also realistic. Learn to help who you can, and then detach from the situation with a loving heart. Often, that is the entire reason for the experience.