Happy Mother's Day! Being a mom is complicated, challenging and rewarding. Enjoy your day!
Everyone comes here
for the experience that mortal life offers, and that includes the experience of
motherhood. Mothers are mortal; they make mistakes, get tired and rue certain
days. Sometimes their judgment is cloudy; sometimes they do what their mothers
did, even if it was a lousy thing to do.
Mothers are often
astonished at how profoundly difficult being a parent actually is and why, for
some mothers, no matter what they do, their children do not respect them.
Mothers very often
do, not just what their mothers did, but what their lineage of women have done
for easily a thousand years. This is true in sexual abuse cases: this is a
family secret that just never heals, and that secret is the endless cycle of
abuse. These women have no idea how to change the cycle. They know it has to
change and they spend lifetimes waiting for someone
else to make things better and to rescue them. Sometimes, women like this
just really need to look in the mirror and recognize that the face of change
they are seeking, is looking back at them. Truly, sometimes you just have to
rescue yourself.
Some
mothers insist their daughters blindly follow religious tradition, even if that
tradition is cruel, abusive and archaic to everyone in general and to women
specifically.
Some mothers are
afraid of motherhood, some are afraid of their children. Some are terrified
that their children will not love them and become incapable of providing
balanced discipline or any discipline at all.
Some mothers are in
competition with their children, be they male or female. They are so immature
that they never see how smart their children are and that their children, are
running intellectual circles around them.
Some mothers detest
motherhood and they make sure their children know it. They create guilt in
their children so that their children spend endless amounts of useless time
trying to make them happy: truly
the impossible dream.
On-the-job training
is normally the rule for most women and even most really smart women feel
overwhelmed by a first baby. For others, the second child pushes them to the
brink of sanity. Other women manage elegantly with ten children. Those ladies
learned the true meaning of the word delegate
responsibility to the older children!
Mothers are mortal,
get tired, make mistakes and forget that they are on an artificial pedestal
that no one can ever really deserve. Every mother has a spiritual philosophy of
what a good mother is and often they privately believe that they are
inadequate. They suffer with this concept for a very long time.
Death happens in
families all over the world. Even an outstanding mother may falter, fall and
feel crushed under the weight of grief at the personal loss of a family member.
In some cases, she may not be allowed to grieve, but may be expected to keep
the rest of the family going.
Most women who become
mothers either biologically, through marriage, and/or adoption have no idea
what they are getting themselves into! Thank goodness! If any of them knew how
really challenging motherhood is, many would opt out for another type of life.
However, they don’t know. They can’t see the future and that is just as well.
Would that it could
be said, that all mothers love, but even that is not true. Most mothers learn
to love not just their children, but the lives created by having children. Once
you have a child, you become a different person because circumstances demand
it. You don’t have a choice. If you stay the same then something is terribly
wrong.
If a woman hates
motherhood, or never makes the transition into this new identity, then part of
her will be miserable for the rest of her life and she will share her misery
with most people she meets. She will make her family life nightmarish.
Often a woman will
note that she ‘did the best she could in her situation’. The truth is that when
she says that, part of her is thinking deep inside that there may have been
better ways for her to have handled many life situations. Other women who feel
confident about their mothering experience will believe in themselves and note
that they have done an excellent job and they are proud of themselves.
Ultimately, every
woman has a spiritual philosophy about what a good mother is but not every
woman believes she can ever come close to living up to that level of
excellence. How each woman meets the challenge of being a mother, of living up
to that spiritual philosophy will ultimately define her spiritual path for this
life time and all her life times to come.
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