My favorite Negative Childhood Role Models:
1960 - 5th Grade Teacher speaking to me [in front of the entire class]: “I cannot believe anyone can have handwriting this horrible. No one in class should play with this child because her handwriting is so bad!”
Blessedly, my mother stood up for me. This teacher taught me how cruel and hurtful words can be.
I learned that you could stand up to a teacher. I also learned that when a parent stands up for a child against an authority figure, that the child gains great courage and learns to believe in herself.
1963, - 8th Grade Teacher who was also the assistant principal [in front of the entire class]: “Perhaps the Jews deserved what happened to them in Germany in World War II. The Jews aren’t very good people, really.”
In this case, I stood up in class, the only one, by the way, and defended the Jewish people, pointing out their contributions to civilization throughout history and reminding him that six million of these human beings were massacred by the Nazis. I then marched out of class, went to the principal’s office and called my Mother. Again, she stood up for my actions, and the teacher/assistant principal had to apologize to the class and to the Jewish people he had maligned.
I learned that just because a person is in a position of authority, does not mean that he or she is speaking the truth and that if you stand up to lies, the liar, the wrong doer has to back down. Truth will set you free if you have the courage to speak up.
1964, 9th Grade Algebra Teacher to me in front of the entire class: “Your algebra test scores prove to me that you are an idiot in math.” [Hard to believe isn’t it!]
Rather than being her victim, I stood up in class and said:
“How dare you share my test scores in class and try to humiliate me in public! You are an incompetent teacher and I am leaving your class permanently!” . . . . and then I marched to the principal’s office and filed an official complaint against her. As I walked out of the room, I heard the entire class erupt in applause and cheer me on for standing up to this chronically cruel woman. I did not need my mother at this point. I could stand up for myself quite well.
These teachers above weren’t just cruel, insensitive and incompetent to me alone. I had witnessed them do these cruel things to countless students. When it came to be my turn, I refused to stand for it. Perhaps I gave other students courage. I was grateful to my Mother for teaching me to stand up for what is right and for being my role model for this critical trait.
Positive Role Models:
1960-1963 Star Trek’s Captain Kirk
As a teenager, I watched all of the Star Trek series, over and over and over. I watched it in college. Again and again, the Captain Kirk character faced insurmountable odds and always used creative problem solving to resolve every single issue. He was clever, good to his crew, willing to listen to opposing viewpoints, courageous, loyal and kind, but above all he was a powerful leader. The most important trait that I valued was his leadership skills. Even today, few people portray leadership skills at this level. This character demonstrated how to be a good Naval Officer because that was what he was. The Captain of the Enterprise was not a super hero. He was fallible, he became tired of the struggle at times and he knew the taste of failure, yet he never stopped. He never gave up. The Captain Kirk character taught me how to be the captain of my own life and lead others with integrity, honor and courage.
1976 Josephine Gallucci
From 1976-1979 my husband and I were stationed in Naples, Italy. We were both Lieutenants at the time. During one lovely party, someone introduced us to this eccentric art dealer by the name of Josephine Gallucci.
Josephine was 83 years old when I met her in. She was my art dealer and my friend. I loved her because every single person she met was fascinating to her. Every person’s story was unique and she made you feel unique while she was listening to you. Yet, listening to her was mesmerizing! What a life! One day, I was at a party at her villa with its floor to ceiling art, and we were all speaking Italian. Finally everyone left and it was just the two of us. We were still speaking Italian and I realized that I had no Italian vocabulary left in me and asked her if we could switch to English. She laughed and said of course! Then she became quite serious.
“Tina, do I seem old to you? After all, I’m 85 now.”
“Josephine, you will never be old! Chronology does not define you. You are ageless to me. Your years only make you more fascinating. They do not make you old. You will never be old to me.”
“Really? So you don’t think I’m old?”
“Oh no, you will never be old.”
“Whew! I am so glad you reassured me. I don’t feel old. I walk 4 miles a night, still enjoy my 40 year old lover and love the life I am living and all the people in it. I don’t think I will ever accept being old. Why should I? It doesn’t define me. Life defines me!”
Josephine was the epitome of a life elegantly well lived. Hers was a life defined by the texture of so many relationships, rich in the wealth of art that surrounded her and happy with the love with which she approached her every moment. That type of life is how I choose to define my own life!
Throughout my life I have met many people who taught me what love and compassion weren’t and what they were. Literally, I feel enriched to have had many hundreds of role models from my wonderful family to all the amazing Navy people I have met, to my friends and neighbors.
Each person played a part in creating who I am today. I am eternally grateful to each of them for the powerful lessons I have learned from them. Such is the power of the role models who help to shape our lives in increasingly positive ways. Ultimately this can be true for you, if that is the choice you choose to make in how to look at each experience karma presents to you!
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