Friday, December 23, 2011

KS&L 88: Holiday Service Part 2

by Tina Erwin


In part I of Holiday Service we discussed the element of spiritual service in doing things for other people throughout the year. How do we view the volume of effort required for Christmas and Hanukkah?


December is a challenge because there seems to be so much for everyone to do:

· Shop for gifts, wrap presents

· Get the Tree

· Decorate the Tree

· Keep the tree watered

· Plan meals

· Grocery shop

· Decorate the house

· Plan parties

· Grocery shop

· Do the holiday cards, buy the stamps, write the yearly letter, collate and mail.

· Help out at school, church and/or office parties

· Grocery shop

· Make the list of food gifts to give

· Grocery shop

· Make all the food, do the baking, package the items

· Mail things

This modest, very incomplete list above usually falls to women who think they have to do it all. Getting your family members to help will reduce some stress and let everyone have the opportunity of doing service. This can be as simple as making the list and letting them make the grocery runs and some of the dinners so that you can do the extras.


The real service is in the patience of doing the mundane, day-to-day things of getting ready. People love a house filled with the smells of the holidays. If your holidays were horrific growing up, mitigate the past sadness by making the present something warmly memorable.


It is so wonderful to come home to a house beautifully decorated with bright candles and wonderful food. The element of the house and the food are tremendous service to all family members.


What makes it difficult for the person doing the planning, cooking, shopping and decorating is that people take their efforts for granted. It just looks so easy. Family members frequently don’t seem grateful for what has been done because you always do it. They are not callous or unkind; it is just that your excellent work is normal to them. Your service is transparent to them but transparent or not, it does not change the fact that it is service all the same. Even if family members do not overtly recognize it, it is appreciated on some level.


You earn the karma for your efforts because you are creating the memories that they will treasure and emulate. You are teaching them what a warm holiday looks and feels like, and that lesson changes the future. That is the purpose of this work, the reason for this effort: creating a pattern of love, hard work and togetherness. This is part of the element of what makes the holidays an important example of spiritual service. In essence, it is the real reason for the season, displaying your love through your service.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

KS&L 87: Holiday Service Part 1

by Tina Erwin


The holidays are a great time - so we think. The truth is, most people who do the lion’s share of getting ready for the holidays are frequently overwhelmed with the volume of work that is required to get it all done. The regular schedule of day-to-day responsibilities is magnified with the endless list of extras.


We are also overwhelmed with the concept of the neediness of so many people. Someone's child is sick, someone's relative is dying or has died, it is the anniversary of a death for another person. The homeless shelter needs volunteers, your church is doing charity work and your office has adopted a family to give to at Christmas. Some people are irritable and angry in November and December and we dread living through this time with them. So with all that comes up in this window of time, we quietly ask ourselves: Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the volume of energy to get ready for Christmas or Hanukkah?


The answer is more complicated than we think. The answer may center on our concepts of service. What is service?


Service is frequently giving money, time or effort to someone in need. It is the giving of ourselves. This is easy to recognize.


However, there are other types of service that we would be wise to honor, namely the service of getting any type of celebration together. It isn't just this time of year; it can be any time of the year.


The neighbor who decorates for Halloween, the mom who never misses making the favorite birthday cake, the welcome home celebration for a service member, the delight of a Valentine's dinner or a 4th of July cookout. The Thanksgiving Dinner with a cast of thousands is a tremendous service as well. Few people appreciate the volume of planning that goes into feeding all those people, plus the decorations that accompany the food, the candles, the greens and the creative effort all create the atmosphere for any celebration. All these things are service - these creative efforts of love made visible are also spiritual service. This takes us to December. Part II will help us make some sense out of this challenging month.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Weddings

Yesterday, our daughter Jeanne Marie and her new husband Michael announced their marriage at a wonderful party. It was a beautiful wedding celebration with two great families joined together - for truly when you marry someone you also marry their family.


Weddings be they large or small offer us hope as we watch another new couple start out their life. We stand back and watch their proceedings, pondering our own lives, the choices we have made, the persons we did or did not marry and the life, that we still have together.


As we watch our children march down that same aisle we marched down so long ago, we hope that as parents we did a good job of preparing them for their long and interesting road ahead.


Did we give them a foundation in managing money?


Did we teach them that compassion and caring can only come from a heart that is awake, feeling and in love?


Do they have the skills it takes to manage the day in and day out give and take, the art of compromise that is the lubricant of marriage?


Did we teach them the skills of patience and understanding?


More critically, were we as parents, good examples?


There is a tendency when you watch a wedding to feel all mushy, sort of tearful inside. This is a life milestone for a person, entering into a permanent relationship. Because your son or daughter is now a married person, they are different. They look the same, but they are not the same. They have become independent, completely an adult right before your eyes.


As parents, we now must change our roles from one of active parent to inactive parent and replace that concept with one of active friend. It is time to leave the parenting behind - for if we have done our job, it is no longer needed.


The wedding itself is almost an initiation for the couple. They stand together, facing the future. Hopefully they have planned their wedding together and decided what they wanted to happen. Now they are launching their lives with hope and happiness. When this can happen, in this beautiful way it is easy for parents to ‘let go’ and embrace a whole new world of happiness for their family.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Manicurist

Did you ever wonder why someone goes to a manicurist? Even men visit a manicurist, especially if they are in the public eye and need their hands to look good.


Did you ever ponder why people are so dedicated to their manicurist beyond the starlet, female politician and socialite? Many people have been with the same manicurist, often for 20 years, keeping that treasured appointment. Many ladies will rearrange their schedule to keep that appointment. Why is this? Isn’t it just about the meticulous attention to having nice nails? Why are nails that important?


Perhaps, visiting a manicurist has nothing to do with nails at all. Perhaps visiting a manicurist, especially a really good one is a little bit about fingernails, and a whole lot about having someone who is a really good listener, hold your hand while you tell them your story. While you are reviewing what is happening with your life, this kind lady is literally giving you her total undivided attention. When was the last time, busy ladies, you had anyone give you their undivided attention? Think about it, in these times, who takes the time to listen for a solid hour with a kind and often very compassionate heart? Not too many folks have that kind of time.


What makes a good manicurist isn’t as much about making someone’s fingers and toes look spectacular, as it is more about being very, very sensitive and very often, exceptionally psychic to the emotional needs of the client sitting in front of you.


Here is what may happen in a typical manicurist’s day. She gets all of her supplies and fancy gadgets set up. She reviews her appointments for the day and she takes a deep breath and considers each person who is going to come in and sit in front of her. She catalogs who is grieving, who is getting married, who has kids going off to college and who is getting divorced. She probably has mental reminders of what not to say and touchy areas to avoid for each person. She hopes that each person will be on time so that she won’t have to keep anyone waiting. She works very hard to keep all of her appointments flowing in a timely manner. She is such a courteous lady!


Because so many people talk to her, she inadvertently becomes a literal repository of helpful information. She just loves helping people, so she figures out what information to share with which lady. Such is the pleasure of shared information.


As each lady comes to her station, often she greets them with a welcoming hug or at least a very warm smile, immediately asking them how they are, how have they been doing, how is their family. Each of these questions will inevitably spark someone to tell her that chatty story that at first appears surface. Now a good manicurist has a wonderful way of holding someone’s hand, of looking them right in the eye with her own eyes smiling back. Human touch is just a magical thing. Holding someone’s hand is a deeply personal action especially when you are giving that hand specialized attention. It just opens up all kinds of emotional doors.


As the warmth of the manicurist’s hand embraces her client’s hand, the client begins to relax, to feel somewhat calm and to trust the person in front of her. She begins to share the details of her latest life chapter. The manicurist nods. If she can be helpful or compassionate or just kind, she does that. If her client cries, she offers her a Kleenex and lets her cry. She is really there for her client and often this woman in front of her is also her friend.


At the end of the day, the manicurist cleans up and goes home, probably never realizing that her kindness, her compassion and her ability to offer comfort through the process of doing someone’s nails was a tremendous service. Sometimes it is good to appreciate the quiet service of another. Kindness, gentleness and hope are often found in the ordinary faces of many people who do service, whether it be a manicurist, hairdresser, massage therapist or acupuncturist. Often it is so hard to get friends and family to listen, that we don’t even realize how precious those people who do hear us, are to us. Maybe the next time you encounter one of these people, you can ask them how their day is, how their life is going and simply return the favor.

[This KS&L is dedicated to Peggy Laxson, the best, and kindest manicurist I know!]